It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


My husband dumped me over the phone after a 7 year relationship, married for 3 and a half years. He was 11 years my junior and I supported him in his aspiration to become a commercial pilot - he ended up costing me over $35,000. He left me for some chick he flies with. I am also a pilot, though just for fun.

I now have a very, very special man in my life - I guy I knew 26 years ago..my first true love, you could say, at the tender age of 15. He's a few years older than me, but the chemistry we had is still very much there. He was a Phys Ed teacher (he was not MY teacher) and nothing physical ever happened between us. We both knew we had deep feelings and and an immense attraction for each other but I was 15 and he was 21. Nothing ever eventuated, due to our respective places in the community, not helped by us being in a pretty small country town. He truly was the most magnificent specimen of a male I had ever seen - a sentiment shared by every young woman in that town!!
He left town a few years later and I heard on the grapevine that he had married a librarian.

About 8 months ago, I looked him on up facebook, on a whim - and lo and behold, there he was!!! He had only joined facebook 3 weeks prior to me searching for him.

We arranged to meet and we spent that whole day on top of a cliff, overlooking the surf beach, talking about what we had achieved in that 26 year space. We emailed each other every few days and caught up together on that same cliff for every weekend for a month. I was beginning to develop strong feelings for him and it was becoming apparent that he felt the same. We finally became lovers.

He is married, but effectively in a loveless and sexless marriage (sleeping in separate beds) that died years ago, with a significant deterioration that began about a year before I came onto the scene. His wife's entire world revolves around him and she has no outside interests, no friends of her own, yet she does not shares any of his hobbies and takes no interest in any of his outside activities. He has encouraged her for years to get outside the house, make some friends of her own, and "get a life" that doesn't entirely revolve around him. He has done this is a loving, encouraging way, to no avail. He feels "suffocated" that he has to fulfill every one of her needs - and he has grown over the years to be very resentful of that.
Now, all she does is complain that he is never home. He works full time, still as a PE Teacher and he and his wife have worked together at the same school for 16 years. About 8 years ago, he took a part time job on the weekends - just so he could get away from her!

He has 3 daughters, youngest doing final year of High School and his biggest fear is not loosing his wife, but alienating the affection of his girls.

He has told me that he has only ever loved two women in his life - his wife and me. He has NEVER been unfaithful before and I know that to be true.
He has never lied to me and has always answered my questions about the marriage truthfully - she has been a good wife and a great mother, he is fond of her, but there is nothing they really share apart from the kids. As the girls grow up and move away, he feels that any "link" there is in the marriage (ie. the girls) will surely dissolve. He has "emotionally distanced" himself from her, a situation that, as I have said, has been going on for years. He knows that he is probably to blame for this situation, as he is a very independent person, and despite him trying to help his wife become a more self-confident, emotionally healthy, outgoing person with her own interests, it just didn't work. He realised many years ago, that no matter how many times he tried to do this, it fell on deaf ears and it's a situation that will never change. He just gave up, but not for a lack of trying to help her.

I have told him that IF he leaves, it should be because of HIM not being happy, and not for me. Where will this end? I have no idea - but we are perfect together, we laugh together, we strive to bring out the best in each other, we have fun, we have deep talks, we have so many common interests, we're competetive together, we challenge each other and we are deeply in love, not lust. This is no longer a school-girl crush. It's like - finally, he has found the person he should have been with all along - or perhaps a better way of saying this is that his emotional needs and wants ceased to be met years ago, due to his wife not realising that by basing her entire world around him, she actually drove him to be even more independent and that she still hasn't fully grasped the concept that her incredible "neediness", is a major reason that he felt so trapped and suffocated in their relationship. His wants and needs changed, he tried to get her to see that and work with her, so that she could understand and change and grow with him, to keep the marriage alive - but she couldn't or didn't want to - and thus, they have just slowly drifted apart.

I know like I am trying to "defend" his actions. I'm not - I am just trying to explain how this whole thing transpired.

I only get to see him on weekends, when he's working his part time job and for now, that's fine, as I am a very independent person also. I will never be the "needy" partner in this relationship and I have never been that way in any of my past relatonships.

The only thing holding him back is the love of his girls and the fear of losing their affection. I know, without a shadow of a doubt that he loves me and wants to be with me. I know how much he adores his girls and that he doesn't love me any more or any less than his daughters - he just loves us all differently. I also know that it it ever came to a decision between his kids and me, I would lose out.

I just guess that I am hoping that one day in the not too distant future, he will leave his wife (without my identity ever being revealed) and that he will be able to explain to his kids the reason why he is leaving and that it has nothing to do with them. He claims that his daughters would still resent him and say "You didn't try hard enough" or "You're being selfish" - girls will always tend to side with the mother, no matter what.
Am I deluding myself here? Or do you think we have a future. I'm interested to hear from kids whose parents have divorced and how it affected their relationship with their dads - where the father instigated the divorce, not because of an affair, but any advice in this matter is appreciated.

I don't mind if people take the hgh moral standard, but please just read closely what I have written and try and see the situation for what it is and how it has come to be.
Thank you





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:59 PM.





© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!