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Relationship Health Message Board


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I'm 22 and I'm in a relationship with a 29 year old. We've been dating for almost 6 months and we've very happy together. The only thing that makes the relationship difficult is that she has two children. It's not that I don't like her kids or that they don't like me, but I'm just not at the point in my life where I want to be around kids too much. Of course, I've talked about this with her and she has no intention of making me an integral part of their lives; although we do stuff all together some times, most of the time it's just me and her.

This really didn't bother me too much until she told me the story about how she got pregnant with her first child. She said that before, she never wanted to have kids. When she was 18 she went to get her tubes tied but they refused to perform the operation saying she was too young. When she got pregnant (because she didn't renew her shot for 3 weeks from not being able to get time off work) she tried everything she could to avoid the pregnancy. She attempted to get plan b, but was denied because at the time you needed a prescription, and in the 72 hour time frame she had to take the pill she wasn't able to get time off work to see a doctor. So she basically had no choice but to get an abortion and she was going to, but her sister managed to talk her out of it.

Now, don't get me wrong she's a very happy mother of 2 wonderful kids now, but this whole thing still bothers me.. Maybe it's the part of me that, deep down inside, wishes she didn't have kids. I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish that sometimes. But I also have a great deal of resentment against her sister because she imposed her beliefs on her and convinced her not to get the abortion. I don't see how anyone, be it her sister or not, has the right to make that decision for someone, especially if that person was so opposed to ever having kids in the first place.. I just don't see how she could have been so selfish as to make such a life-changing decision for her sister like that.

I don't know, like I said I know what's done is done and it's selfish of me to wish she didn't have kids. Just knowing that she's happy now should be enough for me. But I still can't get this whole thing out of my head; it's been at least 4 months since she told me all this and I still lose sleep over it sometimes. I just thought I'd share it and perhaps someone on here could give me some insight to help me sort it all out.

ONE MORE THING: This post is NOT about whether abortion is right or wrong. It's mentioned solely as a detail of the whole story, and any posts dealing with the moral implications of abortion are not welcome. Thank you





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