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I have been cheated on (caught him in the act) and ended the relationship. I have cheated once in my life and confessed to my boyfriend at the time the day after. He ended the relationship. So yes I have been on both sides of the issue. Honesty is the best policy imo. If my husband cheated on me I would want to know period and if I cheated he would want to know. Yes it probably would end the relationship but we both would want to know.

As for she will never find out bit...how does one know for sure? You said this was a girl that was or is a friend and she has always liked you. How do you know she would never tell your girlfriend?
I am so, so glad my boyfriend is someone who would definitely tell me things like this. I feel bad for people who are dating people who would even consider keeping this to themselves.

[QUOTE]She isn't hurting at the moment, only you are. Keep it that way.[/QUOTE]

It is too late for her feelings to be spared. Her feelings should have been spared before he cheated. It is too late now. Now he has to be a [B]man[/B] and tell the truth.

The most[B] selfless [/B]thing he can do right now is confess. He did a huge selfish act by cheating, and now he has to confess to make it right. How is it selfless? Because he might lose the relationship, but he will still tell because it's the right thing to do for his girlfriend. Not for himself.

Yes, she will be hurt by it. But he made a mistake, and that is what happens when you make a mistake. That is life. She will eventually get over it, with or without him. But that is too late to fix now. This isn't a matter of sparing her feelings by not telling her. It should have been a matter of sparing her feelings by not doing it.

You have to think about his girlfriend. She is the real victim. No one on here knows if his girlfriend would want to know, and this should be about her. And considering there is no way of knowing, he should tell her for her sake and let HER make the final decision. No one on this message board should have the say in if they stay together or not. Just his girlfriend. If he keeps it from her, that is pushing his girlfriend into a relationship that she didn't sign up for. She deserves to know all the facts before she decides to stay in the relationship and now that he cheated, the facts have changed and she needs to know.

Branman, you feel bad looking into her eyes now...and I do not think that is going to diminish. If you choose to keep this from her, this is going to be a secret now that you will be forced to carry with you [B]everywhere [/B]you go, [B]forever.[/B] I don't think it's going to get better. Even if the initial guilt wears off, it will always be there in the back of your mind. Every time your girlfriend looks at you lovingly, it will be there in the back of your mind.

What if she says something to you like "I'm so glad I can trust you" or "I know you would never lie to me or cheat on me" (I say those things to my boyfriend sometimes, to let him know I am grateful for him) How will you feel then? How can you take the trust she has in you and abuse it like that?

You sound like a good person. A lot of childish people would just say "oh well, I'm never going to tell her. It's too late now and it would only hurt her" and try to feel better about it. You say you are on the fence, which is a good thing. That means you have a conscience and aren't immature.

But like I said before, your guilt is there for a reason. No one on this message board knows your girlfriend, only you do. It is your job to think about her. No one on here is thinking about her. Please, it is your job as her boyfriend to consider her feelings. She deserves to have a totally honest relationship. She deserves to have an open, honest boyfriend. Every single person deserves that in a mate. Do not deny her that.

Please, do the right thing. Do the adult thing. Do the loving thing and let her know. You already made a selfish decision...don't make another one.

And from the sound of it, it doesn't seem like you're going to be able to keep it in forever. If you tell her weeks or months in the future, she might say to you "I could have gotten over it if only you were up front from the beginning.

You said you were going to tell her...please, stick with that decision. It is the right one, I promise you.

[QUOTE]don't you see that the ones who are hounding you to tell are people who have been cheated on before......they want to see you punished![/QUOTE]

Um, I have never been cheated on. Please don't make a blanket statement that includes me. I think the people "hounding him" are people who believe in truth and honesty in a relationship :) People who believe that once you do something wrong you should be an adult and fess up, not act like a 3 year old and hide it.





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