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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Do you grasp what trust is? Trust is you evaluating his character that is determined by his values, principles, beliefs, and standards - in his actions, decisions, and words - over a long period of time.

So trust isn't whatyou give someone becuase you've slept with them, given them a title of "boyfriend" or wahtever.

Trust is what you give - as you evaluate over time thier character, based on all the above in long periods of involvement, where you evaluate what they do when it affects you - and when it doesn't.

Trust is not them never hurting, disappointing, upsetting, or not agreeing with you. Trust is you relying on them to remain true to the character they've displayed over the long period of evaluation that you've taken of their character. You've evaluated their actions, decisions and words - found them to be consistent with one another nad your definitions of appropriate, good, right, and successful, and you trust them to remain true to who they've displayed and portrayed themselves to be.

So you don't "trust him" - because you've been dating 5 months" - the heat of infatuation has you unable to objectively evaluate his character based on his actions - as separated from how his attention to you makes you feel about yourself.

So this 6-9 months isn't about you evaluating his character for trust. It's about you reveling in the feelings you have, without trying to make assessments about his character overmuch, because you're not relying on him to do anyting but show you a good time in the moments you share- this is not about the future, it's all about the glorious present.

After 6-9 months of continuous contact...you can come down off the giddy high of how his attention makes you feel about yourself - you can look at his actions and words - seee if they align by your definition and perception, see if you agree with his standards and beliefs and vlaues as evidenced in those actions, decisions, adn words - and see if it's a good fit for the "ideal partner" that you have profiled in your mind's eye. you'll then know if you're ready to make the sacrifices, commitments, responsibliites ot partnership - that are going to limit your individuality.......and from there - you take another year or two to see if he fits the profile...and he sees if you fit it - then you intertwine nad comingle.

So it's way too early to talk about "trust in him" so far. You trust him in the capacities you know him - which is very limited. But there's no way yet to extend a blanket trust to his character.

That said, you'll never trust him to be true to his character...i fyou don't require yourself to be true to yours, and be the master and commander of your own destiny and identity and security at all times, relationship notwithstanding.





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