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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Aug 13, 2008
I just wanted some opinions on what people really think about settling? What exactly does that mean? As some of you know, my ex boyfriend has 3 kids and an ex wife. I am 29, no kids and never been married. I have a college degree, he does not. None of this has ever really bothered me. I met him at my old job. We became really good friends and somewhere along the way I fell madly in love with him. Things were complicated when we got together and after 6 months we broke up. That was a year ago. Hes now wanting to get back together. Hes on the road alot to make some good money to take care of some financial issues he faced after the divorce and once he gets that taken care of hes planning to settle back down near me, buy a house and wants to start over. I am still in love with him now, if not more than ever. He feels the same. SO, heres my question. I have many friends, including some friends from college I just reconnected with and some of them have felt that I'm settling. The recent friends of mine I just reconnected with are married to husbands that make good money, have the nice house, the 2 kids, lavish vacations, etc. I know that if they knew about my situation they would judge me. The thing is. I grew out of "judging people". I don't think anyone that lives in a nice big house versus someone living in a trailer is any different. I don't beleive in thinking or calling someone a loser. Its amazing the different types of people I have met in life due to the fact that I don't judge my friends on what they have, or where they came from, but rather the type of person they are. I know life with my ex boyfriend won't be easy; but I love him more than anyone I have ever loved. I love his children and they adore me back. I have dated men during our break up and although I have found some I connected with on some levels none of them compare to my ex. I have dated men with college degrees, no kids, no ex, but never have I felt what I feel with my ex. I'm tired of people thinking I'm settling. I think people like that are ignorant and snobby. We're all human. We all have our own battles. So what is this "settling" really mean? If I am in love and I feel I could not live my life without this person in my life why is that considered settling to people? I could easily date the perfect guy on "paper" which I have done before just to please everyone else, but if that does not work for me then isn't that the important thing? I'm bothered cause I wonder if maybe I am living in some kind of fantasy? I am happy with my ex/current boyfriend. He is my best friend. Whats wrong with that?

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