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Hi everybody. I'm posting here because I've really been struggling a lot with jealousy this summer. Most of it has been really stupid, but here's the gist of it:

My girlfriend and I only get to see each other once or twice a week because of our schedules. She started making new friends at this new job she has, and she started going out and partying with them a lot.

I started getting paranoid and jealous of her friends, but it was stupid of me because she hadn't given me any real reason to suspect her of anything. I was just getting paranoid because I was bored (boring job had taken over my life). But then, she did give me a reason to start questioning her trust. We were out one night at a bar with some of her new friends, and she snuck off and had a cigarette with one of them. I caught her and I didn't know what to think. She had always told me how she thought smoking was disgusting and she said she would never do it. I was very upset because she was trying to hide it from me.

After that, we had a talk about how important it is to be honest and open with each other. I slowly began to recover my trust. But I am still sometimes obsessive of her with certain things.

Today [COLOR="Red"]{removed} [/COLOR]I saw that one of her new friends posted two photos of her from when they went out last week. One of them was her dancing with a guy that I've never seen before (I know most of her coworkers). I started getting jealous about it, but then I tried to cool down.

Then, a few minutes later[COLOR="red"],{removed} [/COLOR]I saw that she de-tagged herself from the two pictures, so that they wouldn't appear on her profile anymore. I was literally shaking with anger and fear. This seemed to confirm that she was still hiding things from me. I jumped to that conclussion, because I couldn't imagine why else she would take the tags off of those pictures, except because she didn't want me to see them.

I called her at work to ask her about them. She said that she took the tags off because she didn't want her older sister to see them. I guess she thought her sister would criticize her, or maybe show them to her parents. And she got all mad at me for calling her about it. She said it wasn't because of me and told me to get over it. I texted her to apologize and say that I'm not jealous of what she does with her friends (although really I kind of am), I just wanted to know if she was trying to hide them from me.

I was really stupid to call her like that. I should have waited a little bit and relaxed. Tell me though, after her hiding the smoking thing from me, don't I have a right to have trouble trusting her now? If my gut tells me that she's hiding something from me, and I see what seems to be evidence of her hiding something from me, was I really wrong to call her out on it?

She was telling me how she told her friend not to put them up. But I feel like, if you don't want people to see what you're doing, then maybe you shouldn't be doing it. Like, if she told me that she was trying to keep them from me because she thought I would get really jealous, I was going to say to her, "Oh, so it's ok to doing something that I don't like as long as I don't find out about it?"

I keep telling her that I'm ok with her going out with her friends and having a good time because that's what I'm supposed to do. But really, I'm not ok with it. I know this is a terrible thing to say. I don't want to be "that guy", the controlling and jealous boyfriend, but my feelings are just getting the better of me and I don't know how to control it. I don't want her going out and dancing with other guys. I only want her to dance with me. I only want her to go out with me. I don't want her going out and drinking with her friends. Only me.

How can I change my jealous attitude? Before this summer, I was never like this. But seeing some of these pictures really drives me crazy. I feel like if I told her how jealous I felt, she would just get really mad and she might want to break up. How can I change? And am I right to not trust my girlfriend? How can I start to trust her more?





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