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This is starting to sound like a broken record I know...But I really appreciate everyone's comments. It does really help me feel more independant and stronger. Would like to see more comments from guys though! Its good to get there side of things too.

Ok well, this is my problem. It happened about a month ago now, oviously im finding it hard to forget about. I was going through some really hard times, trying to deal with an eating disorder, one I have been struggling with for about five years. I couldnt help myself enough, so I went into the hospital for about a month. The problem, are the few things my boyfriend did while I was in there.
On the outside, It appeared as if everything were fine. I was talking to him everynight before bed, he was coming in everyday to see me, brough me flowers and seemed genuinly concerned. I didnt let anything negative enter my brain about what he might be doing on the outside, ever. It would of drove me crazy. Because, I dont trust me as far as I can throw him ( awful I know).
A little bit of background, the girl I have talked about before, the one he cheated on me with, ONLINE, he was not supposted to be talking to. The day before I was hospitalized, he deleted her off of facebook. Come to find out two days after I went into the hosptial, he re-added her and sent her a note about how " how down he was" and how he wished she was online so he could talk to someone. No meantion of me, or why he was upset.
He never told me any of this. And once again, he reached out to HER of all people, and another girl in general.
F'up #2...he invited his best friends sister over for a drink and smoke one night after her graduation. HE never told me that either. I had to find out from my mom. The girl went and told me best girlfriend ( confused by his intentions), who then told my mom, who then told me. I firmly believe there was something "more" behind that. Not just a normal congradulations on graduating.
#3. I do not approve of porn. SO he has been doing his best at not looking at it, and for a few months hadnt until about two weeks into being in the hospital he came in and asked me if it was ok for him to look at it just while I wasnt able to "help him"... I told him yes as long as it ended when I got him.
Come to find out he filled out a profil on adult friend finder. He says he did it because the typical videos he would look at werent loading and he saw an ad for free webcam videos. He proceeded to fill out a profil on this site to get the free webcams. But then it asked for a credit card and he says he tryed to erase the profil.
It makes me sick to think he didnt see it was crossing the line, trying to look at a live webcam video of some other woman, for his personal pleasure. Thats way too much. I was physically sick after finding this MYSELF, and couldnt believe it!..

He kicked me while I was down. I was in the hospital and giving me a fault idea of how things were going, but at home, he was doing all of these shady things! The whole show me put on for me, now feels fake and I cant believe how betrayed,I still feel.
Things have calmed down and are more stable. But it always in the back of my head when he going to do something else. But were trying to work it out, and he says he going to regain my trust.

Something held me back from leaving him once again. I wanted to so bad after finding all that out. Its like Im trying to fix him or something, giving him chances after chances. I dont know what Im doing.

SOrry so long:(





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