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Well, 1)all he ever wants to do with you is have sex, doesn't want to take you out or even take a walk with you, 2) He doesn't find you amusing and good company, and doesn't laugh at your jokes, 3)you've wasted hundreds of hard earned dollars on gifts that he doesn't appreciate in the least, and 4) you've told him outright how you feel and he disregarded and disrespected your feelings to such a shocking degree that he didn't just minimize or trivialize what you said, but he didn't even acknowledge it.

I'm sorry to say, iwantlove, but he couldn't be more clear if he was wearing a bright pink neon sign that said "I'M JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!!!" He is no longer interested in seeing you and just can't be bothered to tell you. He's hoping that one day you will just give up and go away. I know that hurts so badly that you will be really tempted to say "no way, you dont' know him, that cant' be true!!" But my question to you, iwl, is, why do you want to stay with a man who treats you so badly and neglects you to such a degree? Don't you think you're good enough a catch to deserve someone who really respects and cares for you, who will listen when you talk, who is invested in his relationship with you, who cares enough about you to make room for you in his life, who thinks you're smart and funny and enjoys your company, who loved the things you do for him and give him because he loves you (and by the way, I still have and cherish all the little trinkets my ex gave me, not because they are so valuable, but because HE gave them to me, and to me, that makes them priceless). If you don't love yourself enough to believe you deserve someone who will treat you like I've spelled out, then your problem is not your boyfriend, your problem is your very low self esteem. If you think you DO deserve to be treated well and have a healthy, invested, good relationship with someone who really cares, then what are you waiting for? You will never have it with this guy, and as long as you're with him, you are not free to go out and find the man who will treat you well.

You seem to be asking, how can I fix him, how can I change him, or how can I love him into loving me again. The answer is, you can't do any of the above. You cannot change another person's behavior. All you can change is how you react to it. Crying, pleading, talking, loving him more, hasn't worked. Sounds to me like the only thing you haven't tried is being confident and self respecting enough to walk out the door. My guess is because you're afraid he won't come after you if you do. But honey, if he wouldn't come after you, then what will you be losing? Nothing, really. Stop wasting time wishing he could become someone he has no interest in becoming. There's someone else out there who will treat you better, and you're missing out on him because of this jerk. Trust me, I really do know from where I speak. And the thing is, we always think that we need to see it through, follow our heart, and if it turns out to be a mistake, then we will find someone better when we are ready to. But that's not how it happens. I wasted two years of my life with a neglectful, inattentive, unappreciative jerk, thinking I could find that magic key, if I only did this or that better he'd love me like he did the first three months of the relationships. and in the meantime, I turned down a really nice guy who was interested in me because I still wanted it to work with the jerk. But it didn't. The jerk finally got tired of pretending he gave a damn and left, and is now happily married with three beautiful step daughters and living a wonderful, happy life with a family, and I'm still alone, single and childless. Life doesn't always give you a second chance, and it doesn't always unfold the way you'd like it to. I thought I was only wasting two years of my life hoping Mr. Jerk would turn into Mr. Right, but it turned out that I wasted my entire life because I didn't jump on the one opportunity to go out with someone else nice, and another opportunity never came along, and I was never able to create another opportunity despite 10 years of online dating, reading dating tip books, Dr. Phil, changing my wardrobe, hair, losing weight, having friends fix me up, etc. Please don't waste your entire life, too. You never know when the next chance will be your last chance. Sometimes you need to just tell your heart to shut up and love yourself enough to move away from what your head knows is a bad situation. People who aren't able to look out for themselves like this are the people who end up alone.





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