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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

[QUOTE=ICFK1;3695698]In my experience, once you stop looking for a relationship to "complete" you or give you purpose or path - you go out an create the full and fulfilling life that is your destiny.

At that point, you love being who you are - not just the situation you're in. You're not having some perpetual focus to an extent on what you haven't got and wish you did.

Whether that helps your perspective and perception so othat you see people more positively and objectively and find a partner - can't say for sure, speculation is out there.

But it sure makes you so much happier being you - and it's giving yourself the key to always being happy, no matter what the situation.[/QUOTE]

I agree, a relationship doesn't give you purpose, but it does give you a path. When you are married or when you share your life with someone, you are a team, and you walk a different path than you do when you have no one but yourself to consider or think about. Being in a relationship necessitates changing your path. And actually, if you create it, then by definition, it isn't destiny. Destiny is something predetermined and inevitable, and something we do not control or create.

I think it's enough for some people to be happy being who they are regardless of the situation they are in. It's not enough for other people, and I don't think it really has anything to do with perspective. I think it has more to do with sensitibility and your chemical and hormonal balance and how you're hardwired. Some people can go years and years without good sex and be just fine. Other people go nuts after a week, or go into a deep depression from involuntary celibacy. Some people can have sex with just about anyone and enjoy it the same. Others need to be in love with the person in order for it to be satisfying and rewarding, and not just a hollow, empty, meaningless experience. Some people can be good friends with anyone. Others need shared values, common interests and like mindedness and an emotional connection to feel a kinship or friendship with someone and actually enjoy spending time with them. There's no wrong or right to it. Some people don't need a life partner to feel as though they are truly living a full, rewarding, meaningful life and not missing out on something really great, others do, it's just that simple. Some quotes that I've heard from people who have found their soul mate are always along the same vein. They say things like "if I'd known that being with her would make me feel this complete, I would have hunted her down the day she turned 18," "knowing love like this is what gave me confidence. I never would have had the confidence to do the things I've done if I hadn't been loved like this." "She walks into the room and I'm taller, stronger, smarter." These are all quotes from people who are in stable relationships that have lasted a decade or longer. Some people may consider that co-dependent. Other people just consider it real soul mate love. There is no wrong or right way to think about it, though. I really believe it just comes down to how you're hardwired. I think, though, when people use the term "complete" in reference to love, I don't think they mean someone who will help them rock climb if they don't have the guts to do it before, or get in shape if they just aren't the kind of person who enjoys working out, though sometimes that can happen. But I think the term complete means just a filling out of your life of sorts. I've watched a beautiful sunset alone, and while holding the hand of someone I really loved. I've taken long walks in a beautiful park alone, and alongside some I loved, chatting and joking. I've seen great movies alone, and seen them with someone I loved and had stimulating conversations with afterward. I've worked out, done aerobics, overeaten and done everything else to try to sublimate sexual frustration, and I've made sweet love to someone I was crazy about. The second ones were always way, way better than any of the first ones. For some of us, it's not a matter of perspective, it's just what is.

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