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Relationship Health Message Board


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I guess I'll start from the beginning. My girlfriend and I started dating almost 2 years ago. Lately, I've been feeling sort of detached from her. It started last week. I couldn't get to sleep because I kept thinking about how maybe we weren't meant to be together. I used to think we could last forever but when I cleared my mind and seriously thought about it my answer was that we can not. There's just so many things that are missing for me. I don't know if it's worth it sacrifising the relationship just so I can fullfil those longings. I don't even know if another girlfriend will do so.

My girlfriend and I have fun together, but don't do much. She comes over, we watch movies, tv shows, we occasionaly go to the restaurant, the movies(ie: just regular stuff). I am really really into music and play a lot of it but she really isn't and doesn't play any instruments and has no intention of learning. That's alright because I can't expect every single girl in the world to play music. But sometimes when I'm playing I at least expect her to make a comment but she never really stops what she's doing to listen to me play. Having said this, I am not fully comfortable singing my songs around her. I know this sounds silly because I should be(i play gigs at bars and stuff) but I guess deep down I'm scared she'll retort with something negative. Sometimes I'll be playing something on the piano or guitar and she'll sort of snort and tell me it sounds bad or that it's off but she isn't a musician so she shouldn't judge. I always wanted a girlfriend I could sing songs with. I wanted someone who would sing with me in the car while listening to music, but I don't even sing now and if I do, it's really low.

Another thing is that my girlfriend has a really short fuse. She will get in a bad mood if she is tired, hungry, cold, hot, has a headache, etc. She is really unreasonable when that happens. She has a really crabby side which leads me to believe that all women must be like that but I feel my girlfriend is a little much and dramatic. Sometimes she is downright unpleasant. I did a lot of nice things for her birthday last month. I sent her flowers at work, surprised her with a trip to a place she always wanted to go, brought her to eat dinner, but the night of her birthday she kept leading me on but then told me she didn't want to have sex even though she took off all her clothes and was acting like she did and yeah I got a little mad after. I told her not to do that if she doesn't want to do anything. I told her I didn't mind not having sex but that I didn't want her turning me on like that if she had no intention of following through with it. We have fought many times because of this. Anyways, I was mad for like 5 minutes but that girl holds a grudge like crazy. She got all angry then sad and then too proud to let me hug her and eventually I couldn't take it anymore so I walked out of the room and went to sit in the living room. When I came back she told me she wanted to leave and I told her I wouldn't let her leave angry so she got really careless and angry and she just took off into the night and the rain. I had to go chase her down with my car. She was just wlaking in the street. I was furious. I couldn't believe she would do this after all I did for her that week. It seemed so immature and ungreatful...but we made up.

It's just that lately I've been thinking a lot about this whole situation. I know that I love her but I don't want to stay with her just so she won't break down. She's pretty fragile but has so much pride. she would never admit that she would be heartbroken if I broke up with her but I know how much she loves me. That's why this is tearing me up so much. I litteraly have no idea what to do. I'm undergoing a big lifestyle change now also. I graduated highschool 3 years ago and started working right after. I decided to go back to college and I start next week. This means the whole routine of picking up my girlfriend after school and seeing her often will change. I need to keep my night job so between homework, working, school, and catching up on sleep, we won't see each other often and that will be hard. Plus, I've always had this crazy idea that I would meet a perfect girl in college.

I seriously am at a loss here. When I think about my girlfriend I no longer think about the flawless girl who I want to be with forever but I think about a girlfriend with flaws that I know I cannot live with which begs the question: should I just end it now and start over fresh or keep with it and possibly live my life in regret. It's so hard because I'm scared of making the wrong decision. I really do love her and I don't want to hurt her because she thinks we are the most wonderful couple in the world and she loves me to death.

There's more things also. When I pick her up from work sometimes she is in a really good mood but if we stop on the way to get groceries or shop or whatever, she will most likely start getting fed up. I can see the change happening before my eyes. One of us will say something then she'll start walking faster telling me she's either tired or hungry or hot or has a headache. Then, when we get to my house she won't be in a pleasant mood.

Does anyone have any suggestions or tips on how to handle this? It feels like the hardest thing I've ever pondered. Thanks in advance. I'm just so lost right now. I thought about seeing a therapist to help me out a little. There's one other thing. I am watching a lot of this one tv show that deals with breakups and relationships and what not and playing alot of games I did when I was a kid which makes me think about how great it would be to be single again cuz id have so much time for myself. I never do much anymore. My music is on stand still cuz im always around my girlfriend. As for the tv, I hate to think that I'm just being histrionic or melodramatic but it's possible. But it doesn't erase the fact that I don't think her and I will work out in the long run.





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