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Relationship Health Message Board


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Hello, new to the board. Hi, my name is jerk...lol, ok, obviously not my name, but it's how I feel after my gf airs all of her grievances about me on a regular basis.


I know I'm not perfect, but I also wonder how close to normal I am in this relationship, and also how close to normal is she?

She says I don't give her enough attention/affection, and I feel like she's to high strung and negative.

So basically her complaints about me are:

1. I don't look her in the eyes enough when she is speaking to me.

2. I don't pay attention to what she's saying enough...she has to repeat herself a lot, and I forgot bits of the conversation.

3. That I'm not affectionate enough. Basically I don't hold her hand, put my arm around her, give her kisses, etc, as often as she'd like.

Now from my perspective, these are things I simply don't think about. I don't like being in anyone's personal space. I don't mind it when there's a reason to (you know ;) ), but otherwise I'm not going to be stuck to her side the whole time we're hanging out.

I was brought up by parents who were not very affectionate towards one another. I never saw them kiss and rarely saw them hug. Now that I'm a grown man the only time I hug my mother or father is when I'm leaving their house. This might sound sad to some people, but it's just normal to me. We simply aren't "touchy feely" people.

I'm having a hard time reminding myself to hold her hand, or put my arm around her. Don't get me wrong...it's not like I never do it. It's just not as often as she wants. She never attempts to initiate the hand holding, so it upsets me that the affection/attention thing is all on me, and all my fault.

About the eye contact and listening. Basically anytime I see something move, or someone walks by I have this compulsive need to look and see who or what it was. When we are in public, say, at a restaurant, and we're talking, if someone walks past our table I automatically look at them. If there is a TV on in the background behind her, it's difficult for me to not look at it.

Now for the good qualities I think I possess:
stable job/good work ethic
Fun
confident
Good Sense of Humor
Educated
Positive
Super laid back
no drugs
no cigs
never cheated on anyone
athletic
lots of hobbies (that she doesn't like bc they take up time)

The good stuff I do for the relationship:

I do my best to hang out with her as much as possible. I give her pretty much all of my free time after work plus I spend every weekend with her. I take her on vacations, and also try to get her involved in things (she has no hobbies). I go shopping with her and don't complain about it. I help her with anything and everything she needs help with. I give her the remote control - we watch whatever she wants to watch. (although if I try to get her to watch discovery/history or any documentary on occasion, she then complains and acts bored :( )

She only seems to focus on the negative things and never seems happy with the fun stuff we do. Basically I could take her to the beach and we have a wonderful time, then a few days later she is starting an argument about something and complaining to me about how unhappy she is. I'm thinking, damn I just took you on vacation and you're starting an argument with me bc I wanted to surf the net for an hour instead of sitting on the couch and holding your hand while you watched Sex and the City? wtf

I never start arguments with her. I get along with everyone. I don't understand how I can get along with everyone...even people who other people find difficult to get along with...but somehow she and I don't get along?

Am I a terrible boyfriend?





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