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Believe it or not, DMA, I have low self esteem, too. However, after all of my previous experience, I seriously have no time or patience for guys who would treat me that way anymore. I just don't. I put up with it during my 20s with Mr. 8-Years guy, because I didn't realize I had the power to put an end to the misery and just walk away. Now that I'm in my 30s, I realize that I deserve a lot better and that it's totally ok to be on my own if necessary, and there's no reason to keep hanging on to someone who is going to be so mean and abusive.

Really, what you need to do first is get rid of him. Because the longer you allow this to continue, the more it's going to mess with your self-esteem and make it worse. You're already feeling totally low as it is, based on what you're posting, this guy is making it worse. How can you stay with someone who makes you feel worse? You have low self esteem already, is it really worth it to stay with someone who makes you feel even more bad about yourself? No it's not.

That's why you really just need to love yourself and really believe hard that you deserve better. You're not a loser, you just keep making bad choices and not taking a stand when it's really necessary to preserve your dignity. That doesn't make you a loser. It makes you kinda like most women, actually. And I do agree with Rose that this victim mentality is very counterproductive. The problem with people (like your bf) who keep playing the victim, is that they will never reach the next level. If you want to stay with a loser guy who will never be anything in life and will never accomplish anything and who will treat you crappy, then that's your thing. But I know you don't want that, so you gotta kick him to the curb. You really, really need to get rid of this shmoe guy.

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