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My problem with my boyfriend is unclear……..

An example of whats going on in this scenario that occurred the day before yesterday

I came out the bus and he was waiting for me outside-note it was an hour distance from my place to his area.

He walks quickly in front of me . I wanted to give him a kiss but he ignores it. We walk to a residential area and I ask him if he wants my kiss? I give it to him quickly and we carry on walking. He continues walking ahead of me. Two steps ahead. ‘ lets go to …..’ he says which is an area half way between our places! ‘what I traveled all the way to here because you asked me to! And now ur telling me to go somewhere else !’ I replied.
We carry on walking to the park that I don’t know where it is. Showing me a bad mood. Doesn’t want to talk much and doesn’t even want to hold hands because he claims his friends might see him ! his friend that he never meets or go out with. We reach a lake finally and we decide to stay by it. I ask him to come sit next to me but hes not in the mood. I move next to him and I try to talk but hes totally not in the mood ! he asks me not to put my head on his shoulder and he resists my kisses like if I am a person he doesn’t know. ‘sweety whats wrong with u ? why do u want to ruin this beautiful day?’ I said. ‘ now ur gonna nag? Please stop it’ he replied!

I wondered stop what ?? Iv’e been trying to talk to him since I came but he totally doesn’t want to respond or even look at my face. Does he mean stop talking?, I wondered.

‘ok im not gonna talk if that’s what you want’ I said. ‘lets go to the park, my friends might pass by here any minute’ he said. ‘so what if they saw you? Why do you care about them so much? They don’t care about you ! plus theyr not your friends and you never go out with them or even talk to them !’ I said and was in a bad mood already. ‘all the time-‘my friends, my friends’ will you please care once about me! Care about the people who care about you not the ones who don’t !’ I added.
‘ your up to nagging like always, lets go somewhere else’ he said

we walked all the way while I was behind him. I even stopped for sometime to check if he will notice but he didn’t. When I mentioned at least he should respect a lady a bit he said ‘ for god’s sake stop it’.
It was so hurtful for me to be treated that low. I could never allow it but I thought I should bear it for time being to see the end. Is he gonna feel guilty at all or is he happy this way. After 5 mins I couldn’t bear it anymore and I stopped and said if you want me to go home I will. I didn’t come to walk behind you. He again repeated the same track ‘ please. Don’t [COLOR="Red"]{removed}[/COLOR] my brain’
I sat down on the side of the street in a residential area and asked said that its ok he can leave alone so I wont make any troubles between him and his friends.
Because of that we started an argument for 10 mins and the scenario was repeated over and over.’ For god’s sake don’t be streetish lets go. I will leave if you didn’t move right now’ he kept on repeating.
I had more than enough that time. Same problem everyday and he accuses me for initiating it every time. I wish he tells me what is it EXCATLY I did so I understand but he doesn’t. Its always same answer ‘ you nag and its my attitude’ what attitude? What is the definition of nagging? Is trying to talk to somebody considered a nag? If I only had another heart or at least a good alternative I wont hesitate a sec to leave him. However, life isn’t as simple as we think it is. I am so lonely and only have him to go out each time I fancy watching a movie or going for a walk or coffee. It’s hard to believe I’m 23, friendly, attractive, easygoing but with no friends! Oh well never mind.
It took me 15 mins in total to decide eventually I should go with him because I’m really not into the mood of fighting. If he wants me to walk behind him, I will. I asked him honestly what is it that’s pushing him away from me this much? He said ‘my big bum’ !! I went into a state of denial! He can’t be honest. We’ve been together for 4 years now and he knows so well that I am dieting and doing it with no stress at all this time. Instead of encouraging me he put me off. How dare him.

It was so hurtful for me to hear that. I don’t have that big bum like he sees it! Two guys smiled at me today and one tried to be extra friendly at the bank today! What does that all mean? I am not a bad looking girl AT ALL! Ok a little over weight, size 16 doesn’t matter! Its nice and curvey and the profe for that is the amount of attention I am getting everyday.
‘fine’ I said. I walked behind him with my tears running on my cheeks, how gentleman he is! I walked right behind him like an idiot till we reached his place. He insulted me so much today. My dignity is more important than his love. I took a box full of paper pins and threw it around his room. I threw cards as well and decided to mess his room up to release my anger. I have never done it before but I did this time. I cried so much when he start using his hands and bent my arm. He bent it twice and held my neck in a way that broke my necklace. I laid on bed and continued crying. He then came to me and apologized. he kissed me but even though he did I promised my self that day I will try my best to leave and will not miss an opportunity if it ever comes. Next time a guy smiles at me ill smile back. Next time a guy asks me out I won’t refuse.

My boyfriend doesn’t want me with him anymore. He wants to break up or stay friends. It is totally fine. I told him yesterday I would leave him as soon as I feel confident I can.
I don’t need a man honestly. I need some good friends. Once I find some I wont hesitate to kick him out of my life. He doesn’t deserve my love or me. What does he want from me after all ?

He checks out girls when I am right next to him and if I complain he tells me that it’s not true and he was looking away or looking but not seeing. Last time was at a restaurant when he kept on staring at the waitress’s bum with her tight jeans. it was right in front of me and he denied it.
She was far less pretty than me, she was even below average in tems of look. The only attractive thing she had was he figure which wasn’t totally perfect from a man’s perspective.
It killed me inside. I felt so helpless and the fire was eating me inside. How could he do that to me? We talked about it at the time but he declined doing any such things.
After we left the place he kept on kissing me all the time. He was kissing my hands, my arms, my lips…etc. he was hugging me so much as well and kept on saying that he loves me.
I no longer understand. He is such a bloody cheater. He has million pictures of naked ladies in his email and he used to keep Kelly brook’s photos in his mobile phone before I figured it out.
You will surprised to know that although he is such a [COLOR="red"]{removed}[/COLOR] he doesn’t like sex and thinks lovers shouldn’t make out because it is so dirty!!!!!!
I am so confused!!!! Most if not all the times I beg for it. He stops in the middle just to annoy me or he just refuses and starts asking to do something else.
If sex was a dirty thing god wouldn’t have created it for human beings to keep their existence.
By the way he had a hard time when he was a child. He got raped few times that’s what make me think he rejects it because of that.
I try my best to help him but he’s not willing to put his hand in mine and collaborate.

At the end of the day I love him so much and wish him all the best in his life without me. All I am after is leaving him peacefully. I tried before many times but I couldn’t. I was even more serious than now but it’s not as easy as it sounds. Can anyone help?

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