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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

I can understand your concern of undermining your brother's relationship with his wife, but it is also your right to have a brother/sister relationship with your brother so if his wife has an issue with that, that is her problem to work out. I'm not saying you need to start communicating with your brother and then "tell on" his wife to him because let's be honest, it's still his wife and the mother of his children so there is a fine line there, but if you can open a door with your brother, it will make things easier for you.

I like my brother's wife; however, over the years I have realized there has been a bit of static at times between me and my brother. It took me a while to realize that although his wife can be a nice person, it seemed she sometimes liked to cause a little friction within our family. I took to calling my brother separately once a week or once every two weeks on his cell phone and just doing a "wanted to check in and see how everything was going". I'd always ask how his wife and children were doing so it didn't seem like I had a grudge, and we have now re-established a really great relationship between the two of us. Is it jealousy on the wife's part that they don't want their husband close to their sister? I'm not sure, but I only have one brother so I wanted to do my best to keep a relationship between the two of us. If all goes well, your sister-in-law will become kind because she won't dare to be otherwise.

That being said, once you do re-establish a relationship with your brother, if your sister-in-law becomes too overbearing, at that point you can very nicely (and carefully) mention a current situation to your brother and then he will hopefully step in and handle matters, but for now it's best to just start fresh with him. ...and if your sister-in-law doesn't like it, she'll have to get over it. :)

Good luck...I really hope things work out for you and I hope your brother eventually realizes how lucky he is that you have put so much care and energy into trying to make things work.

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