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Thank you for the answers and ideas. Redneon, your story is very inspiring to me. It is that first step that feels so hard to take. Right now I simply don't know what that first step is. After I've taken the two classes I signed up for, I am hoping some idea will come up. I have in the past applied for quite a few jobs. Only one time was I called for an interview. That job was very simple, basically being on the phone and selling insurance. I didn't get the job to my surprise. I am not sure where to start, but I think taking classes and being out among other adults may inspire me. My goal is to try to eventually get a job where I can pay for my kids' school. I have thought a lot about my marriage lately and in the past every time my husband came out of his abusive stage I would rationalize that it is best if we stay together, partly because of the kids and our financial situation, but also because I don't look forward to being single at 48. But, now I realize that thing will never change. My husband is not going to change and I don't want to be put down any more.
Pend, I do speak a couple of languages beside English, but that hasn't helped me so far. As far as the scholarship goes, there is no such option right now. This school where my kids go is very popular and they have a waiting list. I was actually very nervous that my kids wouldn't get in when we applied for them.
Lady, I am so sorry about the way your marriage was. And, this will sound bizarre, I almost envy you because in your case there was no room for much thinking what the right thing to do is. It was pretty clear that you have to leave somebody who is that abusive. I am glad you did and that you've made it. In my case the abuse hasn't been as blatant. My husband has never beat me. He has abused me though for the 10 years we have been married. He is emotionally and verbally abusive. I've already written about this in my previous posts on this board, but I don't mind repeating it since I've built up so much anger during these 10 years that it seems to make me feel better to vent about it. He has called me stupid, moron, loser, useless. When I speak, he asks what I am blabbing or blabbering about. He laughs at me if I don't get something immediately. He says that I am lazy and a neglectful mother.
He says that I am mentally disturbed, bipolar and need to be on medication
for this. If I only was on medication, things would be good.
He is not like this all the time. It goes in waves, depending on his mood. He is usually frustrated about his careers, one that failed and the one he is now struggling with.
Most people that know him like him. My family members (my mother, 2 sisters and a niece) who all live in Europe, loved him when they came to visit. They feel like I got lucky to meet somebody like him. He drove them anywhere they wanted to go and was very hospitable towards them. He even drove my niece to some mall she wanted to go to which is almost 100 miles away. All this makes it worse for me because my family isn't very supportive in me leaving my husband.( Although he did scream loser to me once in front of my mother so she did get to hear it firsthand).
My family says that there are much worse husband out there and that he is nice, he just says things that he doesn't mean. I've now stopped talking to my family about this because i don't have their support.
I don't want to be put down any more. This has affected my self esteem and made it non existent. Apart from the insults from my husband, our marriage is a big farce. The intimacy has been almost non existent for much of the marriage and I also feel so lonely. I don't have anybody to talk to in the house except for the kids.
My husband is also abusive in more subtle ways. His tone of voice is often condescending when he talks to me and when I start to talk, he starts often looking through the mail or the paper. He ignores me a lot, like what I say isn't important. He doesn't treat anybody else like he treats me.
Now as I am writing this, I can't understand that I've put up with this man for so long. Last year I filed for divorce, but changed my mind. Now, I am positive that I want to get away from him.

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