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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

I am 35. I was in a bad relationship for 3 years. And when I say bad I mean emotionally abusive physically a few times, finacially, and any other in between. I am no longer in this relationship. And have not been for almost 2 years. I have made alot of headway, well so I thought. Well maybe I have and sometimes these feelings rear it's ugly head and I feel like I have taken steps back. I made a life for myself as much as I could. I volenteer for the local Police. And have had the same job for 11 1/2 years. And I know I am a good person. However, the resentment falls in the form of the finacial part. My ex really put me in debt. And since then I have not been able to get ahead. There are things I would like to do.. such as take courses . And take the police testing so I may become a police officer. And just allow myself to have a nice life. I can't do this. And I feel held back. And anger. Not just at him. But me for allowing it. Being such an idiot for falling into his lies and believing what he would tell me. Like I should have known better. Not just that is i had a friend whom was trying to help me break free from him 2 years back. And I was a mess, no self esteem etc... she said things that in retrospect I now resent. She said I was a headcase, people thought I was a headcase, Did I really hate myself that much to be with him. Meanwhile I had no idea she was legally divorced, but still living a lie her and her ex were living together.(for 5 years) She was miserable. (at the time I had no idea this was the case) Telling me what I should do about my ex, don't accept his calls, aviod him and leave him etc... Well now I see a good friend would have not said such cruel and hypocritical things . I had others that never spoke to me as such. And they are still good friends. She would call my parents tell them I was with this guy( I was 32 at the time) I felt I am an adult and being treated as a child. She threaten to take my cell phone away so he could not call me. No one including my family would include me in certain things. Would yell at me.. lecture. I felt like I had no one. I did not need a lecture!!! So on my own I decided to call it the end for good after several attempts over the years. I changed my phone # it was unlisted still is. And regained my life again. I found out who I was. And learned alot about ME. But I have never been able to move past this resentment for my ex, my ex friend now, and my parents. I realize they were concerned, afraid. But I was the one living it every single day. IN it.. and I dealt. It is always seems to be brought up some how. I am judged.. or my ability to judge properly. I am not the same person. In fact I saw my freind a month ago in the parking lot, she lives beside me . Which is not good I feel like I am living in a fish bowl. She said when she saw me after almost 2 years of me not being with the ex. She told me so.. she knew it.. as I found out he moved back to his hometown and had been in jail. She went on and on. And I thought I am Soo done with thinking about him. She brought it up not me !!! How do I deal with all this resentment ??? I have tried to say not my problem it is theirs. yes I made a mistake !!! But I am human !!!

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