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Loving two men
Sep 13, 2008
This sort of ties into my previous topic about being upset over my best friend moving away.

I am quite sure I love my friend. Not as just a good friend, but I would likely be happy dating him. The problem is I already have a boyfriend, and while I know I love my boyfriend, I still have these feelings of love toward my friend. I think I love them both because they each represent a part I desire in a significant other. My boyfriend is pretty down-to-earth and a typical working man/casual gamer. My best friend is quite eccentric and isn't afraid to be weird. BF is mature, and BestFriend, while mature, also has a sense of playfulness about him that I admire. And the two of them also share certain traits...both are kind, gentle and loving. Both have a great sense of humor and both love me in return (yes, my friend has told me he loves me, and no, my feelings did not spawn from hearing his confession).

Another thing that really turns me on about my friend is that I think there is a higher probability of him remaining childless in his life, while my boyfriend wants children someday. I do not. I realize this is a dealbreaker, but I have left it up to my BF to decide if I am more important to him than sufficing a biological urge. I have not gotten an answer yet, but I intend to get one should BF decide to propose.

I know I love my friend. We aren't dating, but I get so jealous when other women hit on him...and honestly, he gets jealous when other men - how few they may be - make moves on me. I could envision marrying either of these two men.

The problem is I don't know what my heart wants. I want them both in my life, but I know my heart will be broken in irreparable ways should my friend find himself a partner. I have told him how I feel, and I have also told him to not abstain from a relationship just because of my screwed-up feelings. I also told him to just not tell me if he meets a girl when he moves away, because I think I may seriously go crazy. The thought of any woman touching him makes me see red, and this seems so irrational because we aren't even dating! It's insane! :dizzy:

I don't know what to do. A little part if me is actually hoping my BF decides children are more important and wants to find someone else, but I know I'd also be hurting if I lost him because I do very much love him. Every time I think about possibly losing my friend or my BF to some other woman, I get teary-eyed.

Has anyone else ever been in this situation? If so, what did you do? How did you decide who to pursue? I feel like an awful person having these thoughts about someone else while dating my BF, but I can't help it. It is clear my friend fills a void that my BF leaves open, but the opposite is also true -- BF fills a void that my friend leaves open.

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