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Relationship Health Message Board


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[QUOTE=stayd2lng4u;3746441]Happymom--Do you regret leaving? Or are you still just so hurt by the deceit? Are you moving on well without him?[/QUOTE]

I have never regretted leaving. I think the back and forth that I did and the several attempts to make it worse made me finally realize that our marriage was unsalvagable. I am still hurt by the deceit, the lies, the abuse, how he abandoned my daughter, you name it. I'm so angry at how insecure I have become and untrusting I can be sometimes for no reason. I have moved on very well in my opinion. I remarried a wonderful man who treats me the way I know I deserve to be treated. Because of things I haven't dealt with I feel I layed an awful lot on him that I shouldn't have and I regret that. I wish I tried to work through all of this in the first place, but I have always had a hard time showing weakness. I have always put on a brave face and made everyone around me think that I was okay when in reality I was only hurting myself.

[QUOTE=stayd2lng4u:3746441]It's so hard to be in this postion. I know that things will never change and that I have to leave. But then I think about being all alone. When I just go along with his fantasy of nothing is wrong, we do things together, he spends time with me--movies, dinner, etc. It isn't romantic or what I want from a real loving marriage. But it isn't being all alone either. That is where the fear comes full force. And it sucks. And I know that he has the same feelings about that too. His affair is married, I doubt that she plans on leaving her husband (maybe I am wrong) and have no idea if she broke it off with him or vice versa, but I do know that my husband doesn't want to be alone either, he has said this. Another reason why he wants to date me, I'm just a friend to spend time with so he isn't alone. I'm wondering how I am going to make it through every night and every weekend alone. That's not a good reason to stay with someone, but it probably is the main reason we do.[/QUOTE]

You're so right! That fear of being alone is overwhelming. But when I made the final decision it was almost liberating. I felt like for the first time in years that I was safe to be me. I didn't have to put on an act. I didn't have to worry about where he was. I didn't have to worry about anything anymore where he was concerned and that was a wonderful feeling. Don't get me wrong, I had some lonely nights. That's when Sex and the City reruns became a good friend of mine! I can tell you now with all the certainty in the world that I would rather be alone for the rest of my life then ever live that way again because it's not really living, it's existing.

[QUOTE=stayd2lng4u;3746441]It seems that like you & 4bars said, the scenario of hisband/wife divorce seems to go the same way. I mentioned yesterday to my husband that I was going to go check out another state to live in during my Christmas break, and he got totally depressed. We had made plans months ago to go to florida between Christmas & New Years. And he acted like he still expected that. He was obviously hurt that I made different plans and said to me "I thought we were going to Florida" I said that I needed to figure out where I am going to move and the break is the only real time i have to do this. He said "well, can I go somewhere, because I don't want to stay here alone" I looked at him like "what" he's hurt that I'm gonna leave him here alone and asking me if he can go somewhere. Is this bizarre or what? I could tell he wanted me to ask him to go with me. But I didn't and he moped around all evening. Why do they have to be so weird? Then he called me today telling me he Loves me. :dizzy: I have to go see attorney's paralegal--that's another story!! 4bars I will respond to your post when I return. Take care all:)[/QUOTE]

I don't understand why they have to play the victim once we decide to stand up for ourselves. I guess that's the whole Venus/Mars thing. :rolleyes: I hope everything goes okay with the paralegal. I know what you are doing is hard but standing up for yourself is always the right thing. Take care!





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