It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


i have this boyfriend, who likes to be in control. we have been together for 9+ months. lately i have realized how much control he has, vs how much i have so i have been trying to make a difference (for me).

ok so here is the thing, he use to come with me to eat dinner with my parents.. every week. with the past couple of months, he refuses to come with me. which is fine, whatever. i was annoyed because i didnt understand why all the change suddenly, and when i go over there its like im left out because my brothers have their girlfriends.. you know? it didnt use to be a problem. now it obviously is.
well today was my moms birthday. we made plans, and he agreed to them, to go over there and eat dinner with her & my family. he said he wanted to do it. i told him if he didnt want to, it would be fine but i wanted him to come. so the day comes (today), and before i go to work i ask him "babe can you please try to be ready by the time i get home" (which is about 7pm) and he just kinda cut me off.
so i blow it off, and the day goes by.. then im on the way home & i havent called him yet. well he called me about 7 and he says that hes at this guys house (a mutual friend) having a drink & that he would be home in 30 mins. well i was effin peeved. its my moms birthday, and i asked him this morning to please be ready when i get home.. but hes having drinks at a friends house 20mins way!
so after i b****, he says "im on the way home" then he calls 15mins later and says he hasnt left yet... so i said "just forget it im going without you" and that effin made me mad. [B]he did that 3 times. [/B]
my parents notice this, and how he just isnt "trying" anymore. they are starting to dislike him, and they use to LOVE him. its really frustrating.
so i came for dinner, and i was so upset i couldnt even eat. i didnt eat anything, not even the cake. you know like when your stomach is in your throat? i feel terrible because it was my mothers birthday, and i couldnt even be myself cause i was so peeved.
another reason this bothers me so much, is because he KNEW how important it was to me. lately he has just been selfish, only thinking about himself.
i mean, i work 9-6 monday - friday and he is sitting at home collecting unemployment. i get home, and what do i do? laundry, dishes, and i pick up after the cats.
i can tell that he takes me for granted, and i know that i put myself in this position for allowing the behavior. when he worked in alaska he was so like motivated, and now its like he just wants to eff around... and i allowed it.
so is it my fault? how can i fix it?
and do you think i over reacting about dinner?
i mean... we had plans but instead he blew me off for a night with these friends. i am starting to notice how immature he is for his age (26).

opinions please. my anxeity just gets worse when he acts like this.
Once he can trust you again? Are you serious? He's litereally expecting you to jump through hoops to be with him, and for what? So you can be held against your will and basically scared and threatened into being with him?

Take a step back and look at this objectively silly. No matter how much he claims to love you he is BAD NEWS!!! No good is going to come of giving into him. The only result is more lack of trust on his part and him trying to have even more control over you. I know you don't want that.

You say you want out but you can't tell him "no". So you need to go the next step. You need your parents to help you. Have your dad go and get your things from your apartment with a friend of his or someone else male. I know your dad will get your things and ignore him. I'm sure he would be more than happy to have you home and know you are away from that craziness. The next thing you need to do is change your phone number so he can't contact you anymore. Who cares about the "inconvenience" of having to tell everyone (but him) what the new one is. At least you won't be bothered by his nonstop harrassment. If he threatens you or starts going to your parents' home then you get a restraining order. There are ways to break up with him and get him gone, but you have to be firm and put your foot down. Use your family to help you.

Please take it from me, another "people pleaser". He is telling you anything you want to hear to get you back. He is unstable and will continue to be this way until he finally realizes that he needs help. YOU CAN NOT SAVE HIM. You have to save yourself and walk away. He is going to get physical eventually in an attempt to gain more control. My exhusband was a lot like this guy silly, but I was too naive or blinded by love (and in hindsight I will say stupid) to walk away. I kept thinking I could help him. I lost my dignity, my self esteem, my pride, and I brought an innocent child into my relationship. You don't want to do that.

Please, please, please, talk to your parents and have them help you! Also, update us and let us know how you are doing. Your boyfriend scares me.





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:43 PM.





© 2021 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!