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okay. so right now i am feeling like really bad. im still staying with my parents, so we still arent living together again. although i went and saw him saturday night. i deleted my text messages in my phone for 2 reasons, 1 it was full 2 i want him to realize its non of his business since we arent together. as soon as i walk in the door, he is going through my phone, he is grillin me. asking me all kinds of questions. hes telling me that im lying to him about where i went tonight, etc. there are 2 guys that "i gave my number to" and i put that in "" because these are guys i have known for 5 years, but didnt talk to because of him. now that im not with him anymore, i have started trying to associate with more people, including my old guy friends.
he doesnt like it, he even deletes their numbers. tells me to stop talking to them. tells me to delete my social networking site.
well it was 4 am and i was ready to go home by then, but i had an hour drive. so i just sucked it up, and i went to sleep (we stayed at his gramas, where he is staying right now). the next morning he is grillin me again, i told him i cant do this, and that i just want to leave. he doesnt let me leave and he takes my phone from me threatning to break it. i realize that you are probably thinking "just walk out the door!" but its not that easy. he would have followed me. so after him threatning to break my phone, and after sitting there for 2 hours & i was just sitting there crying because i wanted to leave and i wanted my phone back but there was nothing i could do about it.
finally he gets "sick of looking at me", put my phone in my purse and tells me to leave, so i litterally run out the door.
he then calls me, and asks if im happy i left. he just sits there on the phone. im not saying anything. i am relieved to finally get away & in my own car on the way to see my parents. it was like a ton of bricks off my back. so we are still just sitting on the phone... and i say that he cant control me. i tell him that these guys are just my friends, and that i can talk to whoever i want to talk to! so then my phone goes dead, and i still have 40mins left to drive until i get to my parents house. by the time i get there, i plug my phone in and 2 seconds later it rings, of course its him. not only is he STILL calling he sent me like 20 text messages. the first thing i do, is get on my computer and change my passwords. he isnt going to delete all my stuff!! so i call him from my parents house, its the only way to get him to stop calling.
so i call and i talk to him for a few mins, and hes "ok" now because now he knows my phone was dead and that i wasnt ignoring him. i told him i have things to do & ill talk to him later.
so he calls me later, before bed and he starts asking me a hundred questions again. UGHHH i cant take this. i just want things to be normal. he asks if i talk to guys today, yes. and the number he deleted, i put it back in my phone. i told him that. i told him he is possessive and controlling. i told him that we arent together. he calls me [COLOR="Red"]{REMOVED} {ADDED: NAMES} [/COLOR]for talking to these guys, even though i have never "did it" with them, and i have known them throughout highschool. he tells me that he wants things to work with me, but he doesnt know how. he is so messed up in the head, and i dont know how i was able to handle it for so long. he told me that he wants things to work. he wants to be with me but when "i act like this" he just gets angry and he cant get over that i lied.
he tells me that i have to come see him tomorrow, and that i have to bring my laptop, not to delete anything on my phone. he wants to go through it and then maybe he can understand these guys are just my friends.
he wouldnt let me off the phone until i agreed, and if i would have hung up on him then he would have came to my parents house. he said so, and he has done it before.

i dont want to go see him today. i texted him a long message thing morning and i basically told him that love isnt enough, and that there are things that i needed from him. then i told him what i needed and i said if he cant give me this then lets not waste our time. i gave him that altumatim because i know that these are things he cant give me. i cant just say [COLOR="red"]{REMOVED}[/COLOR] it" because then i feel bad. i feel like im letting him down. the only person that he trusted, i lied. even though it was just a little white lie, i lied and thats how he sees it. i feel like im a disappointment, and i feel like i let him down. i love this man but i dont want to be with him. i dont know how to handle this. the man that i love is not this guy i see now. he is silly, he is goofy, he is fun. this guy now is psycho. i dont know what to do. i just want him to leave me alone. but he wants to be with me, i dont want to be with him. i cant handle this. its so much pressure, and i want to go out with my friends. guys or girls. i want to make my own choices. i can never do that if i were to be with him. he has issues that developed through his childhood and he cant let them go, therefore he is still so effed up in the head. hes not normal. i wish he was and none of this would be happening. but he keeps telling me that he wants it to work out, and that he loves me, but he doesnt know how to fix it.
if i knew that this crazy person didnt exist in him, i would try to fix this. but i know that there is this crazy person inside him and i dont want anything to do with that person. i dont know what to do. i feel terrible because hes not a bad guy, he is just effed up in the head. really. and i love the man i fell in love with, but i know that he cant be that man all the time. so i dont know what to do. how to i handle this kind of situation????

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