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[QUOTE=dodedoo;3736229]I'm 22 as well. And my first serious boyfriend cheated on me too. We have a little in common. My boyfriend cheated on me within the first few months of us being together, but i decided to stick it out, in total about a year.

Right now your just in a very painful and hurting state, so its hard to see past that. But you will find someone again. And there are people out there that won't purposefully hurt you. These are things I've learned as time has gone on.[/QUOTE]

Thank you. I appreciate your encouraging words, and I realize that part of my outlook right now is due to the fact that the heartache is still very fresh in my mind. I will agree with you that there are people out there who won't purposely hurt their significant others by cheating, but I feel that the type of cheating I've witnessed lately is somewhat different.

When my girlfriend cheated on me, it was just a spontaneous kiss with another guy that I happened to catch. It looked like they were going to take things further until I interrupted. She told me that she had never done anything like that with him or with anyone else, but obviously I'm not sure whether or not I can believe that. It just upsets me too much to think that she may have been willfully cheating on me before I caught her, or to think that what happened that night was planned.

But let's assume that it was as spontaneous as she said. We all know how quickly hormones and emotions can take over, especially when alcohol is involved. When my friends were cheated on, it was situations like these where their significant other just had a moment of weakness, or got caught up in the moment, and made a bad decision, for whatever reason. That's where the line seems to get blurry, too. You should never permit cheating in a relationship, but does a kiss constitute cheating? Should something like that be forgiven? I'm sure everyone has their own answer to that question, and their is no right one. I knew that I could never forgive what I saw, but I'm sure there are people out there who can.

My point is this: How can you possibly try to prevent something like that? You can date someone that you trust, believing that they wouldn't be able to have an affair and hide something like that from you. Or believing that they wouldn't purposely hurt you by doing something like that. But something as simple as a kiss can happen very quickly, yet it can be completely devastating. It can be just as painful as an affair (and by affair, I mean willfully and knowingly cheating). I feel like everyone has moments of weakness. Everyone gets tempted. Sometimes things just go too far and you don't realize it until it's too late. But that's still cheating. There's no way to justify that, and the person who cheats like that does not deserve forgiveness, in my book.

I wish people were better at controlling their own actions. I wish they would talk to their significant others when they are upset about something, instead of holding it in and getting tempted by someone else. I wish people would avoid things like drinking and drugs if they know that it will make them vulnerable to committing infidelity. I wish people were better at battling temptation. I wish people placed higher value on sturdy, healthy relationships and true love, rather than their own temptations and desires.

Admittedly, there are people who do fulfill the traits I described above. But everyone has their weakness. Everyone is susceptible. And this is why I wonder if I will ever trust, and love, again.
[QUOTE=plaxmax34;3736561]Thank you. I appreciate your encouraging words, and I realize that part of my outlook right now is due to the fact that the heartache is still very fresh in my mind. I will agree with you that there are people out there who won't purposely hurt their significant others by cheating, but I feel that the type of cheating I've witnessed lately is somewhat different.

When my girlfriend cheated on me, it was just a spontaneous kiss with another guy that I happened to catch. It looked like they were going to take things further until I interrupted. She told me that she had never done anything like that with him or with anyone else, but obviously I'm not sure whether or not I can believe that. It just upsets me too much to think that she may have been willfully cheating on me before I caught her, or to think that what happened that night was planned.

But let's assume that it was as spontaneous as she said. We all know how quickly hormones and emotions can take over, especially when alcohol is involved. When my friends were cheated on, it was situations like these where their significant other just had a moment of weakness, or got caught up in the moment, and made a bad decision, for whatever reason. That's where the line seems to get blurry, too. You should never permit cheating in a relationship, but does a kiss constitute cheating? Should something like that be forgiven? I'm sure everyone has their own answer to that question, and their is no right one. I knew that I could never forgive what I saw, but I'm sure there are people out there who can.

My point is this: How can you possibly try to prevent something like that? You can date someone that you trust, believing that they wouldn't be able to have an affair and hide something like that from you. Or believing that they wouldn't purposely hurt you by doing something like that. But something as simple as a kiss can happen very quickly, yet it can be completely devastating. It can be just as painful as an affair (and by affair, I mean willfully and knowingly cheating). I feel like everyone has moments of weakness. Everyone gets tempted. Sometimes things just go too far and you don't realize it until it's too late. But that's still cheating. There's no way to justify that, and the person who cheats like that does not deserve forgiveness, in my book.

I wish people were better at controlling their own actions. I wish they would talk to their significant others when they are upset about something, instead of holding it in and getting tempted by someone else. I wish people would avoid things like drinking and drugs if they know that it will make them vulnerable to committing infidelity. I wish people were better at battling temptation. I wish people placed higher value on sturdy, healthy relationships and true love, rather than their own temptations and desires.

Admittedly, there are people who do fulfill the traits I described above. But everyone has their weakness. Everyone is susceptible. And this is why I wonder if I will ever trust, and love, again.[/QUOTE]

These are all things that I've thought as well. I feel like we could both have a really good discussion about this. I'm not sure how to send you an e-mail or message.
[QUOTE=plaxmax34;3736561]Thank you. I appreciate your encouraging words, and I realize that part of my outlook right now is due to the fact that the heartache is still very fresh in my mind. I will agree with you that there are people out there who won't purposely hurt their significant others by cheating, but I feel that the type of cheating I've witnessed lately is somewhat different.

When my girlfriend cheated on me, it was just a spontaneous kiss with another guy that I happened to catch. It looked like they were going to take things further until I interrupted. She told me that she had never done anything like that with him or with anyone else, but obviously I'm not sure whether or not I can believe that. It just upsets me too much to think that she may have been willfully cheating on me before I caught her, or to think that what happened that night was planned.

But let's assume that it was as spontaneous as she said. We all know how quickly hormones and emotions can take over, especially when alcohol is involved. When my friends were cheated on, it was situations like these where their significant other just had a moment of weakness, or got caught up in the moment, and made a bad decision, for whatever reason. That's where the line seems to get blurry, too. You should never permit cheating in a relationship, but does a kiss constitute cheating? Should something like that be forgiven? I'm sure everyone has their own answer to that question, and their is no right one. I knew that I could never forgive what I saw, but I'm sure there are people out there who can.

My point is this: How can you possibly try to prevent something like that? You can date someone that you trust, believing that they wouldn't be able to have an affair and hide something like that from you. Or believing that they wouldn't purposely hurt you by doing something like that. But something as simple as a kiss can happen very quickly, yet it can be completely devastating. It can be just as painful as an affair (and by affair, I mean willfully and knowingly cheating). I feel like everyone has moments of weakness. Everyone gets tempted. Sometimes things just go too far and you don't realize it until it's too late. But that's still cheating. There's no way to justify that, and the person who cheats like that does not deserve forgiveness, in my book.

I wish people were better at controlling their own actions. I wish they would talk to their significant others when they are upset about something, instead of holding it in and getting tempted by someone else. I wish people would avoid things like drinking and drugs if they know that it will make them vulnerable to committing infidelity. I wish people were better at battling temptation. I wish people placed higher value on sturdy, healthy relationships and true love, rather than their own temptations and desires.

Admittedly, there are people who do fulfill the traits I described above. But everyone has their weakness. Everyone is susceptible. And this is why I wonder if I will ever trust, and love, again.[/QUOTE]

Everything that you have just said I have thought also. It was like reading my own thoughts. Except I agreed to forgive my husband for kissing another woman, not only kissing, but becoming emotionally involved. all I asked was that he completely cut off all contact with her. he refuses,because he says that he turned down her sexual come on, and told her he Loved me, and that he shouldn't have to never talk to her again because he made it clear to her that he wouldn't sleep with her and says he no longer has tghe emotional attachment to her. I want her cut off completely (she still calls him occasionally). What would you do in this situation?
As for people and what they do, I, no matter what stress or howmany drinks would never become emotuionally or sexually involved with another person while I was married. I never even considered doing this to him, and it has hurt me so much, but I am willing to forgive him. Can I trust him not to do this again? I do not know! If we get divorced will I ever be able to trust anyone again. I don't think so! I acnnot even imagine going out in the dating world and listening to all the BS, and being vulnerable to be hurt by someone again. I honestly thought that my husband would never do this. I knew him for 4 years before we married, we dated for 2, I thought I had found the most wonderful man in the world who would be faithful and Love me always. I was wrong!! I won't go through that again. good luck, Plax, I know that there has to be a woman out there that will be faithful in all situations, I know this because I am one of them and I cannot possibly be the only one.





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