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Hi everybody. A few weeks ago I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. We broke up and I've spent the last few weeks trying to get my life back together, to get over her and to just take care of myself. However, I'm finding it difficult to move on because of the behavior I've been seeing in a lot of people lately. It would be one thing if it was just my girlfriend who cheated on me, because then I could say that what she did was completely wrong and the next person hopefully won't do that. But I've recently found out that my best friend's girlfriend cheated on him, my girl friend's boyfriend cheated on her, and a friend of mine made a move on my best friend's girlfriend over the summer while they were still together (and he had his own girlfriend).

Ok, I know I did a terrible job of explaining that, but it seems like infidelity is everywhere I look right now. I, myself, have made out with two girls in the past who had boyfriends at the time, and I hate myself for it. I am very disgusted with people right now, including myself. I am disgusted with human nature and temptation. I feel like people cannot be trusted, and I wonder how love could possibly survive in a world like this.

When my girlfriend cheated on me, it was a spontaneous thing that happened between her and a friend. She said that she had never done anything like that with anyone else, and it was something that just happened very quickly. It was the same story with my friends who were betrayed. I just hate that people can be so susceptible to something like that. I hate that they can make such unforgivable mistakes just because they have too much to drink or they have a moment of weakness. I hate that someone could knowingly and willingly sleep with a guy or a girl who has a boyfriend, interfering with the intimate bond that they share and destroying the love and the trust that they have for one another. It makes me absolutely sick.

And there's the major problem. I can't move on because I feel like anyone is capable of betraying me the same way that my girlfriend betrayed me. I wonder whether anyone can really be trusted to do the right thing anymore. If my girlfriend, who I knew inside and out, who I loved and trusted so deeply, was capable of doing something like that to me, it just seems like it could happen just as easily with any other girl in the world.

I am disappointed and disgusted with people right now. I hate everyone right now. Human nature seems to be a very ugly thing.
[QUOTE=plaxmax34;3735657]Hi everybody. A few weeks ago I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. We broke up and I've spent the last few weeks trying to get my life back together, to get over her and to just take care of myself. However, I'm finding it difficult to move on because of the behavior I've been seeing in a lot of people lately. It would be one thing if it was just my girlfriend who cheated on me, because then I could say that what she did was completely wrong and the next person hopefully won't do that. But I've recently found out that my best friend's girlfriend cheated on him, my girl friend's boyfriend cheated on her, and a friend of mine made a move on my best friend's girlfriend over the summer while they were still together (and he had his own girlfriend).

Ok, I know I did a terrible job of explaining that, but it seems like infidelity is everywhere I look right now. I, myself, have made out with two girls in the past who had boyfriends at the time, and I hate myself for it. I am very disgusted with people right now, including myself. I am disgusted with human nature and temptation. I feel like people cannot be trusted, and I wonder how love could possibly survive in a world like this.

When my girlfriend cheated on me, it was a spontaneous thing that happened between her and a friend. She said that she had never done anything like that with anyone else, and it was something that just happened very quickly. It was the same story with my friends who were betrayed. I just hate that people can be so susceptible to something like that. I hate that they can make such unforgivable mistakes just because they have too much to drink or they have a moment of weakness. I hate that someone could knowingly and willingly sleep with a guy or a girl who has a boyfriend, interfering with the intimate bond that they share and destroying the love and the trust that they have for one another. It makes me absolutely sick.

And there's the major problem. I can't move on because I feel like anyone is capable of betraying me the same way that my girlfriend betrayed me. I wonder whether anyone can really be trusted to do the right thing anymore. If my girlfriend, who I knew inside and out, who I loved and trusted so deeply, was capable of doing something like that to me, it just seems like it could happen just as easily with any other girl in the world.

I am disappointed and disgusted with people right now. I hate everyone right now. Human nature seems to be a very ugly thing.[/QUOTE]

Hey plax, how old are you?

You seem to be taking this really hard. The sad thing is, I totally agree with you. I've been cheated on in the past. I know friends who have. Its really sickening. It can make someone really down on relationships. In my case, it can also make you way TOO cautious in future relationships, so that you can end up ruining them by mistrusting a person when they have done nothing wrong. I suppose I am in the same boat as you. And I wonder if i'll ever be in a relationship where I can truly trust someone again. I suppose you can only hope for the best and know that while it happens frequently, everyone is not like that.
[QUOTE=dodedoo;3736084]Hey plax, how old are you?

You seem to be taking this really hard. The sad thing is, I totally agree with you. I've been cheated on in the past. I know friends who have. Its really sickening. It can make someone really down on relationships. In my case, it can also make you way TOO cautious in future relationships, so that you can end up ruining them by mistrusting a person when they have done nothing wrong. I suppose I am in the same boat as you. And I wonder if i'll ever be in a relationship where I can truly trust someone again. I suppose you can only hope for the best and know that while it happens frequently, everyone is not like that.[/QUOTE]

I'm 22. The girlfriend that just cheated on me was my first serious girlfriend, and we had been dating for almost a year and a half, so it's been really tough for me.

Like you said, I kind of wonder if I'll ever have another relationship again where I can truly trust somebody. I understand that an important part of getting over my ex-girlfriend is understanding that someday, I will love someone just as much as I loved her. But you can't have love without trust, and suddenly it seems like no one can be trusted.
[QUOTE=Larrylou'smom;3735866]I wish I had more uplifting, encouraging words for you paxmax, I know it's hard. That's kind of why I'm so darn picky these days. The guy I dated betrayed in in other ways, though he swore he never cheated on me and I'm pretty sure he was telling the truth. But he was pretty religious. And he still betrayed me and it still hurt. I think if you're going to date someone who's not an avid churchgoer and kind of a bible thumper, then you're going to just have to accept the fact that sleeping around is going to happen. Our society doesn't think of sex as any big deal, like it's just something fun we do with our bodies. And we've raised young people today to think the same way. Teen pregnancy, as a result, now is also seen as no big deal. Putting off graduating high school, if you ever do, not getting to college, hey, no big deal man, it's doable. And when a whole society reduces sex to just a recreational sport, then easy, rampant cheating is inevitable. I mean, you don't just play basket ball with just one person, you don't have just one person in the world that you play tennis with, you have more than one drinking buddy or running partner andyou wouldn't think twice about taking a jog or playing a game of tennis with someone else, so when sex becomes nothing more than a game of tennis or going for a run, then cheating suddenly doesn't seem like that big a deal. Young people just don't realize just how big a deal it really is. And like Bea said, older people who haven't learned the life lessons you just did, don't realize it either. But you yoruself said you made out with girls who had boyfriends. You probably didn't think then that if those boyfriends had seen you with their girls, they might have felt what you're feeling right now. You had to actually experience this pain to realize just how painful it is to see or even to know a loved one had been disloyal in such a way.

I don't know what the solution is. But you just have to keep the faith that if you stay true to yourself and really zero in on who you are and what you want out of life, you will attract and find like minded people and one day you will find that one wonderful woman who will love you and only you. And keep spreading the word that it's a bigger deal that we may first think and that it's not cool. I hope someday we can get back to a place where we don't have to actually experience the hurt of it like you just did to realize how damaging and disloyal and unfair it is.[/QUOTE]

You're right. When I helped those girls cheat on their boyfriends, I don't think I could possibly understand what I was interfering with, and how much I was going to hurt those guys. I had been a virgin at the time, and I remember I used to put this incredible pressure on myself to either lose my virginity or ideally, to get a girlfriend. Not that that justifies my behavior in any way whatsoever. But I think that's the way society made me interpret things. As you grow up, you're supposed to find a girlfriend and fall in love with her. Dumb movies like American Pie made it seem like you're a total loser if you haven't had sex yet. I think there are a lot of misplaced values in modern society, and this causes young people like myself to place some very unrealistic expectations on themselves.
[QUOTE=plaxmax34;3736219]I'm 22. The girlfriend that just cheated on me was my first serious girlfriend, and we had been dating for almost a year and a half, so it's been really tough for me.

Like you said, I kind of wonder if I'll ever have another relationship again where I can truly trust somebody. I understand that an important part of getting over my ex-girlfriend is understanding that someday, I will love someone just as much as I loved her. But you can't have love without trust, and suddenly it seems like no one can be trusted.[/QUOTE]

I'm 22 as well. And my first serious boyfriend cheated on me too. We have a little in common. My boyfriend cheated on me within the first few months of us being together, but i decided to stick it out, in total about a year.

Right now your just in a very painful and hurting state, so its hard to see past that. But you will find someone again. And there are people out there that won't purposefully hurt you. These are things I've learned as time has gone on.
[QUOTE=dodedoo;3736229]I'm 22 as well. And my first serious boyfriend cheated on me too. We have a little in common. My boyfriend cheated on me within the first few months of us being together, but i decided to stick it out, in total about a year.

Right now your just in a very painful and hurting state, so its hard to see past that. But you will find someone again. And there are people out there that won't purposefully hurt you. These are things I've learned as time has gone on.[/QUOTE]

Thank you. I appreciate your encouraging words, and I realize that part of my outlook right now is due to the fact that the heartache is still very fresh in my mind. I will agree with you that there are people out there who won't purposely hurt their significant others by cheating, but I feel that the type of cheating I've witnessed lately is somewhat different.

When my girlfriend cheated on me, it was just a spontaneous kiss with another guy that I happened to catch. It looked like they were going to take things further until I interrupted. She told me that she had never done anything like that with him or with anyone else, but obviously I'm not sure whether or not I can believe that. It just upsets me too much to think that she may have been willfully cheating on me before I caught her, or to think that what happened that night was planned.

But let's assume that it was as spontaneous as she said. We all know how quickly hormones and emotions can take over, especially when alcohol is involved. When my friends were cheated on, it was situations like these where their significant other just had a moment of weakness, or got caught up in the moment, and made a bad decision, for whatever reason. That's where the line seems to get blurry, too. You should never permit cheating in a relationship, but does a kiss constitute cheating? Should something like that be forgiven? I'm sure everyone has their own answer to that question, and their is no right one. I knew that I could never forgive what I saw, but I'm sure there are people out there who can.

My point is this: How can you possibly try to prevent something like that? You can date someone that you trust, believing that they wouldn't be able to have an affair and hide something like that from you. Or believing that they wouldn't purposely hurt you by doing something like that. But something as simple as a kiss can happen very quickly, yet it can be completely devastating. It can be just as painful as an affair (and by affair, I mean willfully and knowingly cheating). I feel like everyone has moments of weakness. Everyone gets tempted. Sometimes things just go too far and you don't realize it until it's too late. But that's still cheating. There's no way to justify that, and the person who cheats like that does not deserve forgiveness, in my book.

I wish people were better at controlling their own actions. I wish they would talk to their significant others when they are upset about something, instead of holding it in and getting tempted by someone else. I wish people would avoid things like drinking and drugs if they know that it will make them vulnerable to committing infidelity. I wish people were better at battling temptation. I wish people placed higher value on sturdy, healthy relationships and true love, rather than their own temptations and desires.

Admittedly, there are people who do fulfill the traits I described above. But everyone has their weakness. Everyone is susceptible. And this is why I wonder if I will ever trust, and love, again.
[QUOTE=plaxmax34;3736561]Thank you. I appreciate your encouraging words, and I realize that part of my outlook right now is due to the fact that the heartache is still very fresh in my mind. I will agree with you that there are people out there who won't purposely hurt their significant others by cheating, but I feel that the type of cheating I've witnessed lately is somewhat different.

When my girlfriend cheated on me, it was just a spontaneous kiss with another guy that I happened to catch. It looked like they were going to take things further until I interrupted. She told me that she had never done anything like that with him or with anyone else, but obviously I'm not sure whether or not I can believe that. It just upsets me too much to think that she may have been willfully cheating on me before I caught her, or to think that what happened that night was planned.

But let's assume that it was as spontaneous as she said. We all know how quickly hormones and emotions can take over, especially when alcohol is involved. When my friends were cheated on, it was situations like these where their significant other just had a moment of weakness, or got caught up in the moment, and made a bad decision, for whatever reason. That's where the line seems to get blurry, too. You should never permit cheating in a relationship, but does a kiss constitute cheating? Should something like that be forgiven? I'm sure everyone has their own answer to that question, and their is no right one. I knew that I could never forgive what I saw, but I'm sure there are people out there who can.

My point is this: How can you possibly try to prevent something like that? You can date someone that you trust, believing that they wouldn't be able to have an affair and hide something like that from you. Or believing that they wouldn't purposely hurt you by doing something like that. But something as simple as a kiss can happen very quickly, yet it can be completely devastating. It can be just as painful as an affair (and by affair, I mean willfully and knowingly cheating). I feel like everyone has moments of weakness. Everyone gets tempted. Sometimes things just go too far and you don't realize it until it's too late. But that's still cheating. There's no way to justify that, and the person who cheats like that does not deserve forgiveness, in my book.

I wish people were better at controlling their own actions. I wish they would talk to their significant others when they are upset about something, instead of holding it in and getting tempted by someone else. I wish people would avoid things like drinking and drugs if they know that it will make them vulnerable to committing infidelity. I wish people were better at battling temptation. I wish people placed higher value on sturdy, healthy relationships and true love, rather than their own temptations and desires.

Admittedly, there are people who do fulfill the traits I described above. But everyone has their weakness. Everyone is susceptible. And this is why I wonder if I will ever trust, and love, again.[/QUOTE]

These are all things that I've thought as well. I feel like we could both have a really good discussion about this. I'm not sure how to send you an e-mail or message.
[QUOTE=plaxmax34;3736561]Thank you. I appreciate your encouraging words, and I realize that part of my outlook right now is due to the fact that the heartache is still very fresh in my mind. I will agree with you that there are people out there who won't purposely hurt their significant others by cheating, but I feel that the type of cheating I've witnessed lately is somewhat different.

When my girlfriend cheated on me, it was just a spontaneous kiss with another guy that I happened to catch. It looked like they were going to take things further until I interrupted. She told me that she had never done anything like that with him or with anyone else, but obviously I'm not sure whether or not I can believe that. It just upsets me too much to think that she may have been willfully cheating on me before I caught her, or to think that what happened that night was planned.

But let's assume that it was as spontaneous as she said. We all know how quickly hormones and emotions can take over, especially when alcohol is involved. When my friends were cheated on, it was situations like these where their significant other just had a moment of weakness, or got caught up in the moment, and made a bad decision, for whatever reason. That's where the line seems to get blurry, too. You should never permit cheating in a relationship, but does a kiss constitute cheating? Should something like that be forgiven? I'm sure everyone has their own answer to that question, and their is no right one. I knew that I could never forgive what I saw, but I'm sure there are people out there who can.

My point is this: How can you possibly try to prevent something like that? You can date someone that you trust, believing that they wouldn't be able to have an affair and hide something like that from you. Or believing that they wouldn't purposely hurt you by doing something like that. But something as simple as a kiss can happen very quickly, yet it can be completely devastating. It can be just as painful as an affair (and by affair, I mean willfully and knowingly cheating). I feel like everyone has moments of weakness. Everyone gets tempted. Sometimes things just go too far and you don't realize it until it's too late. But that's still cheating. There's no way to justify that, and the person who cheats like that does not deserve forgiveness, in my book.

I wish people were better at controlling their own actions. I wish they would talk to their significant others when they are upset about something, instead of holding it in and getting tempted by someone else. I wish people would avoid things like drinking and drugs if they know that it will make them vulnerable to committing infidelity. I wish people were better at battling temptation. I wish people placed higher value on sturdy, healthy relationships and true love, rather than their own temptations and desires.

Admittedly, there are people who do fulfill the traits I described above. But everyone has their weakness. Everyone is susceptible. And this is why I wonder if I will ever trust, and love, again.[/QUOTE]

Everything that you have just said I have thought also. It was like reading my own thoughts. Except I agreed to forgive my husband for kissing another woman, not only kissing, but becoming emotionally involved. all I asked was that he completely cut off all contact with her. he refuses,because he says that he turned down her sexual come on, and told her he Loved me, and that he shouldn't have to never talk to her again because he made it clear to her that he wouldn't sleep with her and says he no longer has tghe emotional attachment to her. I want her cut off completely (she still calls him occasionally). What would you do in this situation?
As for people and what they do, I, no matter what stress or howmany drinks would never become emotuionally or sexually involved with another person while I was married. I never even considered doing this to him, and it has hurt me so much, but I am willing to forgive him. Can I trust him not to do this again? I do not know! If we get divorced will I ever be able to trust anyone again. I don't think so! I acnnot even imagine going out in the dating world and listening to all the BS, and being vulnerable to be hurt by someone again. I honestly thought that my husband would never do this. I knew him for 4 years before we married, we dated for 2, I thought I had found the most wonderful man in the world who would be faithful and Love me always. I was wrong!! I won't go through that again. good luck, Plax, I know that there has to be a woman out there that will be faithful in all situations, I know this because I am one of them and I cannot possibly be the only one.





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