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Relationship Health Message Board

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Too many people damage relationships or neglect relationships and move on as if these things were old clothes to cast away. The victims are left to carry the baggage throughout their lives. It affects not only them but all the people they form relationships with. Yes, the past is the past but for some people, it is still as real as if it were today. They carry the pain and insecurities with them wherever they go. So it bothers me to hear people say "Oh, just let it go. It is in the past!" So I fully support your decision to want to write to her. Good for you!!!

There is nothing wrong with wanting to apologize for past mistakes as long as there is no expectation of reconciliation. You do this for [B]you[/B] so you can move on. But sometimes, it helps the other person to hear it so they can heal if they were emotionally hurt by the relationship.

Anyway that you choose to get the words to her will do, as long as you do it. You both have unfinished emotional business that would be beneficial to both of you to get resolved - if only to talk about it.

Speaking from the viewpoint of someone who was on the receiving end and have seen it before, I think you will be helping her out by explaining what happened. She probably went away from this relationship with her self esteem diminished and perhaps emotionally scarred. Knowing that it was not all her, will help her to forgive, move on, return, or whatever she decides to do. I would have appreciated some honest communication from some of the people I have had relationships or friendships. You always wonder otherwise.

I commend you for taking ownership of your part in the breakup. Regardless of whether you both get back together or not, or if you simply become friends again, you would have at least gotten out the things that have been in your mind and in your heart. That is a gift you can give to both you and your ex girlfriend. :)

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