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Hello, thank- you for the forum. I wonder if people have some thoughts/suggestions on my situation? My finacee and I have been going out for around 9 months and we have been very close. Two weeks ago I asked her to marry me and presented her with a stunning diamond ring. She said, “yes”, so far so good. However over our relationship there has been one thing that has caused me angst and it keeps coming back. That thing is her inability and or unwillingness to pay for anything. Don’t get me wrong, I am not mercenary and far from a miser but I am somewhat aggrieved by her expectation that I pay for everything. The situation has been compounded of late by her losing her job and a number of debts (read tens of thousands of dollars) from her previous relationship, where her boyfriend left without paying his share. Things came to a head last week when I received a text message from her out of the blue saying I had agreed to pay for her wedding dress two months ago and it was ready and please confirm, the message had a kiss on the end of it. As way of background, two months ago she lost her job and was upset about paying for the dress. I said if you couldn’t pay don’t worry I will take care of it. So I did agree, but what aggrieved me was this message came without warning, not even via a telephone call and in the intervening two months I have paid for a pair of glasses for her and she had a car accident in my car for which I had to pay the excess. Also there have been numerous dinners etc. She has literally not paid for a cup of coffee for me in this time, although she has bought the odd chocolate bar. Last week we were going to visit friends of her which was a long drive away, I thought she was getting ready and then she yelled that she was in the car, he tone was quite abrupt. She left the front door open and my dog ran up the street, granted she didn’t know the dog was in the front of the house, but she was in the car and not everything we needed to take did she have. She decided we were late, so we had to go. I became annoyed and drove off quickly which caused the cake she was holding on her lap to collapse, not by design but by accident. When we got to the friends we argued before we went in and the night, was strained. I had more to drink then I normally do (I am not a drinker) and became maudlin which was a bit embarrassing. We ended staying over (we are not sleeping together) and in the morning we argued on the way home. I have apologised for my behaviour since but the underlying problem is still there. She has said rather than get another job she could get the house ready for when we are married but I am not keen on that and have asked if she can keep working to at least pay down the debt. In the course of this argument she said she had been honest with her financial situation and if she keeps working, we will not be able to have children for a year. But she could work until she becomes pregnant. Even when she had a job she hardly paid for anything but she bought shoes here and there. I don’t want much just a sign. I have booked and paid for our wedding overseas which has cost me a lot. I feel there is a barrier over this but we do love each other and are respectful. What can we do? Everytime I bring it up she is really defensive saying , ‘you can’t afford a wife etc etc’. I have a good job and work hard I just want some progress.
Thanks for your thoughts
Drew.





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