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Relationship Health Message Board


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About 8 months ago, the love of life, my ex-boyfriend dumped me unexpectantly. We were living together for a year and a half and we were talking about getting engaged. I think that the reason we got together in the first place was that he was lonely and he didn't have a lot of friends out here in California as he was from the East Coast. We are in our early thirties.

Within 6 months of us living together, he made a lot of guy friends and they were all single, young and players. They were constantly asking my boyfriend to go out drinking all the time and me, trying to be the cool girlfriend, would try not to get upset when he went out. But soon he starting staying out later and later, each time him coming back drunker. Then I noticed that there were new phone numbers on his cell and he started to get calls in the middle of the night. Also, his friends started to despise whenever I would tag along, insisting that I bring single female friends next time so I could "hook them up". The thing was that his ex's friends were not good looking and they relied on my ex's good looks and charming personality to lure girls over. They openly admitted that before they met my ex, they were having a hard time picking up girls.

Well, when my ex dumped me, it was out of the blue. He had called me earlier that day asking me what I was going to make for dinner and that he was thinking of taking me to Santa Cruz for a romantic weekend. Then he just came home after work and bluntly said, "we're over". I asked him to sit down with me and talk and he said no, and that he couldn't stand looking at me anymore. Then he went on to say that he liked someone else, someone better looking, smarter and has more friends. Because I am exotic looking (half Cherokee, quarter Irish, quarter black), I consider myself rather beautiful. He said that I was embarrassing to be around because "everyone knows he likes blondes". That was the most terrible night of my life. I almost checked into the hospital because I started to have a nervous breakdown. I didn't want to live anymore. My best friend came and got me and made me spend the nite at her house. The next day, I went home and he had moved all of my belongings into the guest bedroom which didn't have a bed. In its place, he went and bought a cheap, blow-up mattress. So, instead of calling him, I just packed as much stuff as I could in my car and left. When I went back to pick up the rest of my stuff he was there but barely speaking to me at all. It was if he was really mad at me but we didn't have an argument or anything like that. So I asked if I could take one of his laptops (he had three) and he gave me the cheapest one and walked away.

For several weeks, I couldn't go to work, couldn't sleep, and definitly didn't eat. I had lost 20 pounds in a matter of weeks. I finally had to see a therapist and go on antidepressants just so I could keep my job. I would cry almost every hour of everyday, it was horrible. I kept thinking of how ugly and unremarkable I was, enough so that someone like my ex could dump me like that. To this day, I still think that way although I try to fight those feelings. Despite all of that, he never called to check up on me.

Then about two months later, he called me up and said he misses me. He wanted to get together and talk about starting over. It was the first time I felt happy in so long. It turns out it was just a booty call because he would come over, sleep with me then conveniently change his mind and leave. This happened several times before I put a stop to it. I couldn't believe he was using my love for him against me.

About a month ago, my ex and his friends saw me out with my platonic guy friend. So platonic, that he is second guessing his heterosexuality. Anyway, this didn't please my ex in anyway because he somehow got a hold of my guy friend and said that he was "still banging me" My guy friend said to never talk to him again and felt my ex doesn't deserve any explanation from him. Still, I was so devastated that my ex saw me with my friend that I felt I almost lost my chance with my ex. But trust me, NOW, I see that my ex was wrong for doing that but then I was desperately still crazy in love with him.

Now I just got a text message from my ex saying that he wants his laptop back. He said that his favorite one died. My question: I know you guys will think that I am crazy, but I am STILL crazy in love with him and fantasize that we will be together someday. Thus I should give back the laptop. But I am poor, working two jobs to make ends met and to pay my rent. If I give it back, I will not be able to buy a new one for a very long time. I get free internet from my landlord. I think that if I don't give it back, he will hate me and ruin my chances of ever getting back together with him. Maybe all my decisions are clouded by my impossible fantasies, so please help me with my voice of reason! Thanks!:(





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