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Don't know to what detail to go into on a "post" but here goes... After almost seven years of dating, my boyfriend broke up with me for my insecurities (we have broken up three times before for short periods - same reason).

At 44 years old - when will I get it? I don't think I'm "enough."

We went out Friday to listen to music and dance - having a great time, when an attractive lady walks past me and to the other side of my boyfriend. She stands arm-to-arm with my boyfriend, talking within inches of each other's face (live music). (There are plenty of other places she could be standing - why didn't she stand next to me?) They are laughing, etc. when a man walks up next to her, like, hey - so she introduces him, her husband, to my boyfriend and then I get introduced to both of them. She continues standing arm-to-arm with my boyfriend and her husband is standing across the table from me. After 15 or so minutes, I say to my boyfriend that I'll find somewhere else to sit - FIRST BAD REACTION. After about 5 minutes he tracks me down and asks if I want him to ask them to leave our table -- YES, please. So, he begrudgingly does it and after a few rubs on each other's arms (my boyfriend and this lady) her and her husband leave our table. Later I made a comment that she was on the dance floor and my boyfriend said, yes, when you went to the bathroom I called her over and we visited again. Nice...

So, we go back to having a great time, when another lady walks past me and to the other side of my boyfriend. She stands arm-to-arm with my boyfriend talking within inches of each other's face (live music). (Again, there are plenty of other places she could be standing - why didn't she stand next to me?) They are laughing, etc. her guy is already there and standing across the table from me. When the band takes a break I hear a part of their conversation - my boyfriend is asking her how long they've been dating - she says, "we aren't dating , we just met two weeks ago. I divorced in May and am playing the field." So, when they are about to leave, I see her writing on a napkin and hand it to my boyfriend, he looks at it and places it in his pocket. After they left, I asked to see it. Low and behold, it was HER name, HER e-mail address, and I guess it was also HER phone number. He claims he thought it was the guy's information!

Now, we leave, and I am livid - SECOND BAD REACTION! My boyfriend gets so angry saying we can never have a good time because of my insecurities - that I'm crazy and he cannot stand me and wants me out of his life forever! Now, today...

So, hindsight thinking, yes, I'm insecure -- did I make too much out of his "friendliness" (he is a very outgoing person). Why he wouldn't have offered his seat to me saying something like, why don't you girls chat or something... I get all of my "adoration" from him and only him, maybe he needs it from the attention from other women? Is that okay?

I feel like such a big loser -- I love this guy and I KNOW he loves(d) me -- he adores me, we spend lots of time in the evenings and weekends together, we have so much in common, he is very touchy/feely with me -- and yet, when I see him enjoying another woman's company (touching, laughing, inches from each other's face) - because it feels like they are being "intimate" I get into the fight or flight mode - feel like a mama grizzly bear protecting her cubs. My entire body has a physical reaction.

Well, it's too late now - he never wants to see me, e-mail me, nothing ever again. First, it hurts so much to think he HATES me when we also had so much good stuff. Second, like a dumped adolescent, I don't want him to meet anyone else, etc. -- grow up, right? I should wish him the best and that he finds someone who doesn't mind his "friendliness."

Sorry this is so long - probably more details than necessary, plus, you're not hearing his side, but please help this lost one. This isn't just going to stop without "fixing" it! Everyone has different opinions, please share yours.
OMG?????? Did my ears decieve me? It happened TWICE right in front of you, not once. I cannot believe the gall of this guy. You are NOT insecure, just smart. To take another women's digits in front of you? Im still trying to catch my breath...how disgusting.
And the reason hes getting SO defensive and telling you that he doesnt want to email, see you or anything is just plain bullcrap. Hes trying to make you think you are the nutty, insecure, crazy female.

What the heck does she have to apologize for? If anything he should be apologizing to HER for taking another women's number, ect, right in front of her and making her feel like a third wheel, they have been together for SEVEN years! Why should she apologize for her man treating her like someone who is "in the way" when these women show up. And taking the napkin, whether its her or his info, its just shady...

How disgusting. YOU, know what is going on, and womens' intuituion is like gold.
If you want to stay for a bit and see if your gut is right, then do so, but Id be livid. Seraph and I think alike on this one. Wow, Im almost speechless, and anyone who knows me, knows thats a HUGE reaction.
Let us know what happens, please!
xoxoxox,
IZZY'SMOM
Well, to be fair, they were just talking. And both women were with another guy - one of them was even married. So, I think you overreacted a bit. I'm not sure where your insecurity stems from, but this is a great opportunity for you, now that you're single, to go get some counseling to get to the root of your insecurity problem. And hopefully after you've spent some time with a therapist, you can understand why you react this way in relationships and how to stop doing that and sabotaging it deliberately.
Thanks to all for your honest insights. I do agree that I need to get to the root of it all - why I'm so afraid of him giving so much attention to another woman; it does seem though that he provokes the very thing in me that he cannot stand. Anyway, I truly can see both sides -- unfortunately -- it would be a lot easier to say "It's all his fault" and then I wouldn't have to look at my part. He was "just talking" but it was that whole leaving me out, the constant touching, the talking within inches of each others face...not to mention the number incident. It also makes me wonder what he's doing when I'm not around.

So, low and behold he calls me today and tells me -- "I know I'm probably too honest, but I wanted to tell you that..." He went to a party Sat. night and considered coming to see me where I was camping, to talk; however, he decided to take a girl home (he just met her, but she is a friend of a good girl friend of his) from the party because she was tired and needed a ride. Then she proceeds to ask him to come to Houston with his good girl friend, some weekend. I see "I'm interested in you" from this girl -- am I AGAIN reading more into a situation than just simply friendship? I read something into everything.

He says he wants to be able to be "flirty/fun" without it causing so much trouble. He said a wife at this party was dancing on stage chumming it up with three guys and the husband was laughing saying she's gonna regret having this much fun tomorrow. He was jealous that we don't do that in our relationship -- I'm pretty old fashioned when it comes to relationships, but that may be because it's a protection from the insecurities.

[B]I will call for counseling tomorrow and seek victory from this bondage!!![/B]





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