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[QUOTE=MSNik;3784057]

Tongiht, I had a appt with my therapist, who keeps asking me "what" Im waiting for in making a decision to tell him that I really want this to be over with. When I say to the therapist that I still love him, he asks me WHAT I love about him. We both know I love the few things that are there- which attracted me 5 years ago....but we also both know that I love what I wish was there all the time and absolutely HATE what I see regularly, which is really a horrible way to be treated and a terrible way to live.[/QUOTE]

I think what you're holding onto is the "past"....The things you used to see or experience, not what is there now. And, I think this is what the therapist is referring to, conceptually.

[QUOTE]
I came home and tried to tell my husband what took place at the therapists office and he stopped me with "I dont care what that quack had to say". When he says things like this, it really hurts me. HE is the one who told me to go 'get help". [/QUOTE]

He acts like this because he doesn't like what he hears. Through all your posts that I've read, he sounds like one of those "man's man" where he likes to play "tough guy." Honestly, he playing both sides back against the middle. He also likes to belittle you and knows that it hurts you. Honestly, he is playing a big game of mental abuse with you. He's like the cat who plays with the mouse before the final act. That's the way I see it.

[QUOTE]
Im supposed to go see my girlfriend in Florida next week - first time in 6 years Ive seen her (my oldest best friend in the world) and the first time in 6 years Ill be away from hubby for more then a night (of work related travel). Im terrified to go. I keep wondering if Illl come back to NOTHING- as far as the house goes, or NOTHING as far as his emotions...i guess a part of me likes hearing that he loves me, even if he doesnt act like it.....he is now threatening me that if I go- thats it, papers will be on the table when I return. He is probably bluffing, but it still hurts. And, i know its a control tactic to keep me from going (and its starting to almost work) but Illl go because Im to stubborn to give in, and too confused to know what I really want. [/QUOTE]

Again, this is part of the "control" tactic. Additionally, he doesn't want you to go off and have any fun. This is probably one of the best things you could do....Go visit your best friend and "get away."

He is also afraid of the prospects of life without you and he knows he's gonna get a glimpse of it when you go to Fla. He also knows the more you leave in general, the easier it will be to leave when and if you finally do.

This whole thing about papers is a bluff...Scare tactic. And even if he did try to pull some stunt and a bunch of your belongings were gone, he wouldn't get away with it...In fact, it would back fire in a big way when you guys got to court.

[QUOTE]
My marriage is in shambles..I dont need a threrapist, WE need a marriage counselor, but since he isnt willing to do it, this is the next best thing I guess.[/QUOTE]

Yes, it is, and you need to get out. I can't disagree with you're strategy of staying for insurance issues & etc., but I also think down deep inside you're giving it some extra time in hopes that he changes. He won't...Not now anyway. I do think, however, there is a small chance that he might "see the light" if and when you pack up and leave and he's on his own. If he misses you enough, he just might agree to make some major changes....And they'd have to be major. He has to hurt first though. Ironically, if you really want to try to save this thing, I think you have to leave first and see if you can get addition by subtraction.

At the end of the day, I think what it comes down to is that you have to decide is the insurance issue more important than all that you're going through, or is your mental health and well being more important? Only you can decide.

[QUOTE]
What a depressing day. I was at work for 13 hours, and Im exhuasted, ending it with a therapy appt was supposed to be good for me, instead Im starting to wonder why the therapist is so determined to convince me that he is really as bad as I think he is....[/QUOTE]

Because based on your own words, this guy is absolutely torturing and mentally abusing the you know what out of you! The therapist sees it, I see it, other posters see it. You don't because you are hanging on to the guy he once was....Or treated you right at one time.

[QUOTE]
OR is it that he sees the obvious- and I dont want to...at times he ( the threapist) actually seems frustrated that I wont 'move" on this....[/QUOTE]

Yes, because the therapist sees the obvious...Again, he sees the abuse, he sees the neglect, he sees the "control" thing, he sees all of the above....Everything we've been writing about. I feel so sorry for you because he is beating you down to nothing. He wants to control you so you can't leave. In his present form, this man is a beast. Please, please watch yourself and be careful....Some of these domestic disputes can get really hairy if one's not careful, and erupt like a volcano.

Please continue to take care of yourself and have a wonderful trip to Florida....You deserve it!

Regards,

Ex





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