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Relationship Health Message Board

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I've been single for 5 yrs and i've dated a few men. Nothing serious. I attract red flags, I was in relationships to "just have someone". It took me up until 6 mths ago to realize that if i want a relationship "just to have someone" Then i don't need to be in one. Its not fair to him or me. So I've not dated in 6mths. I've been working on myself. I'm on a goal of losing 50lbs by Aug 09. I've lost 12lbs at my gym since i joined in May. Its been a rocky road and i've had my son's father to deal with. After getting rid of him for 3 weeks. I ended up calling him, writing emails and chatting online. I noticed he will never change. Yes. The emotional abuse stopped. But he's sarcastic. I hate sarcasm. I hate him smoking. I am a serious person and it hurts my feelings when people are sarcastic.

I don't know why i even dated him. WE have nothing in common, maybe a few things. I was more friends with him first then we tried dating, that was a joke. He cheated on me. That hurt me. I thought we would raise our son together. I know its a fantasy i've had for yrs and i dream of us happy, but i know i can't never truely be with him. He pays childsupport now. But i'm worried that he's going to stop soon and get fired or quit. He always changes jobs like underwear.

Although i will admit, he was more fun back 6 yrs ago when we first met compared to now. Well i was 19 and he was 20. People change. I still have feelings for him. He knows. Although he hasn't seen his son in three months we keep in contact via the internet. i just wanted him to go to counseling with me and i told him i was starting to trust him again and don't mess things up. He says ok, whatever and ignores me for a day, until our son had an asmatha attack and he asked how he was doing. our son has had asmatha for 2 1/2 yrs now. My son's father has it as well. My parents and i have decided if we move, FL would be best or down south where it's good for my son central air and my son's father said it was good for his asmatha.

Its been rough to meet people. I would like a relationship now, i know i'm ready for one and i want to experiance a loving relationship, something i've never had. I've only been in 2 serious relationships. both abusive and i still talk to both of them, but i will never date my first ex bf, b/c i know in my heart that he is not who i want to be in my life or my son's. he lives outta state so talkin him on the phone rarely is no problem. It's hard for me to not think of a chance of me and my son's father getting back together. I know he's another one. He can't commit to me or stop listening to his ex fiance` and his mommy! I know we will never be together unless he says f them all lets have a chance again. I doubt it will ever happen. Well he wants to see my son& me on Nov 9th we'll see what happens.

i'm actually going to start going out of my town and go further. I'm going to start x mas shoppin and just enjoy myself. Tonite im going to a bar/ halloween costume party. I hope to meet some potential dates. Plus i've been talking to a few people over the internet from my dating ad. My birthday is Sunday. I'd like to atleast go out for my birthday. even if its somewhere local with just me and my son.

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