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Relationship Health Message Board


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My boyfriend and I have been living together for two years and planning on getting engaged once I finish school. I have virtually NO relationship with his parents. I have tried my best over the two years and have continually been shot down. They do live in florida and I have made the effort to fly down the first year we were dating during Christmas time just to see them. They have not once come to visit there son and I unless they were in town for another engagement (visiting a friend or flying to another country) I get the impression from his mother that she disaproves of me.
When she was in town visiting a friend she invited my bf and I to dinner with her friend and the friends daughter. Then, she disinvited me and asked only that her son come alone. Which I would have been fine allowing my bf and his mom to spend alone time together. But i thought it was rude that they werent going alone they were going wtih friends and that i was initially invited...what changed her mind? I spoke to my bf who told his mom that it was rude to disinvite me and his mom called and apologized...I was very kind and accepted the apology and said that I didnt want to cause any problems but I felt hurt that she disinivited me. Then, throughout the whole dinner she and her friend pushed the friends daughter on my boyfriend.
The first year we were dating at christmas time I was helping her decorate the house with the rest of the family. She then takes out a stocking which belonged to his ex girlfriend and displayed it to everyone making a sad face and saying awwww...like she was still upset over the fact that they broke up and it was right infront of me and very awkward! again, my bf intervened on my behalf and spoke to his mom privately about it. which i am greatful for.
The following christmas my aunt passed away a few days before christmas after a ten year battle with caner. she was like my second mom and we were extremly close. I hadn't done any christmas shopping as I was spending everyday at the hospital with my aunt and I was also studying for finals and working full time. After the funeral, luckily macys was open 24hrs and I shopped for my bf family until 2 am. I sent him with the presents when he went down to visit. I bought his little sister (who is only a year and half younger than me) pajamas that I thought were cute. They pink pj pants with like a little pink lace around the bottom of the cuff and then a matching tank. Maybe because I was shopping at 2am I was delirious but they were cute and not at all inappropriate for a 20 year old girl. When my bf returned home with the pj's and said that his mom sent them back back because they didnt fit.. and I knew that I bought her the right size and then the truth came out.. His mother said that his sister wouldnt wear something liket hat becuase it was too slutty adn shes not like that. basically implying that it was inappropriate gift and im a slut. I was very offended as my both my mom and my grandma who are religious and very conservative thought they were cute and appropriate. Also, if the sister/mom didnt like them...why didnt she just take them back to the store and buy a different pair..I wouldnt have been insulted if they returned the gift but on the fact that she had to send it on the plane back with him and for him to tell me it didnt fit which wasnt the real reason.
In the begining of my relationship with her son..She would sometimes ask to chit chat with me at the end of their phone call...She no longer does so. I have sent her little emails wishing her a happy birthday or funny forward or pictures of her son that I took saying that I am sure you miss him..just keeping you in the loop...When she met my mother she was insulting to her. My parents have done a lot for her son when he was financially in a bad place and even took him on vacation with us. My parents have accepted my bf into my family without trying to ever step on his parents toes. But they do love him like a son. My boyfriend and his dad are in business together with another man and his wife. His parents recently went on vacation with the business partners without ever even inviting their son or me. His mother constantly talks about how great the partners wife is and how gorgeous she is...which is fine but she rarely has a kind word to say about me. I dont' understand after I have tried my best to be nice to her and my bf and i are planning on getting engaged why its more important for her to have a relationship with these strangers than me. I have never fought with her and I am amazed that she finds these little ways to communicate to me how unimportant I am and that she obviously thinks im not good for her son. I understand that I am just her sons girlfriend but we have been living together going on three years now and the relationship is serious. I would like to get a little respect from her. everytime i bring it up to my bf he says that she does like me..but in my head i think she has a very funny way of showing it.. im going to try to put more work and develop a relationship but im mjust tired of getting shot down. please help!





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