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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

plaxmax, I don't really believe anyone is "happily single" forever. Maybe be all go through periods of feeling free when we're out of a bad relationship or something, but evryone wants love, acceptance, someone special to hold and love to be there for and to have that person be there for them. It's only natural. I think a lot of young men don't want to be tied down and like being single while they're young because they don't have the biological clock women do. Men can have babies and start families at 50. Women can't. But there are plenty of men out there who feel like you do, who are happiest when they have someone special to love, and can't do the one-night-stand thing. I personally can't do it either, and actually would have real trouble dating a man who had a very checkered past. I find a man who has had a lot of one-night-stands in his past rather unattractive because I think it says something about the level of respect he has for women, for the act of procreation, and for love.

I agree that it's all about balance. You need to find a way to see this period of your life as a chapter, just one temporary chapter. You won't be single forever, but for right now you are, and there are things to learn from being single. You say you have a confidence problem and can be rather insecure. Well, it's hard to work on being more confident and more secure in the contex of binding your life to someone else's. Look at this time as an opportunity to have the freedom to work on confidence and to stop being so insecure (because insecurity is soooo bad for a relationship, and when you carry around heavy insecurities, it's almost impossible not to make them the other person's problem as well). When you become a stronger, more confident, more secure person, you will just be a better person to present to that one special lucky lady who WILL come along one day.

Again, balance is the key. I think when you are in a relationship, you do meed to make that relationship a priority, but you should build your whole life around it. It's important to still have "me" time, to have boys' night out, and to have other things in your life, but still keeping the relationship as a priority. A good woman will understand that a good chunk of your time should be spent with her, but that you also need to make time to nurture and tend to your friendships, your work, your hobbies, etc. It's all about balance. If you keep a full, well-rounded life, then you aren't completely gutted if the romantic relationship goes away. You still have other things in your life to help keep you full and to help feed your soul. The important thing I think is to make sure the time you give your next girlfriend is real QUALITY time. Of course a girl is going to complain if when you're with her, you spend the time on the phone with friends, watching the ball game, looking at porn on the net, or all the other negligent, taking-for-granted behaviors that men do. But it sounds like you don't really have that problem.

But I agree thatyou don't need to strive to be happy being single as a permanent state of being. I know I sure don't. But to enjoy every chapter of your life as you're living it and to understand that, as a very wise old book says, to everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under Heaven. This is your time to be single. Make the most of it, because your time to be with someone special could come before you know it, and if you don't make the most of learning how to be the best you that you can be while you have the time to focus on it, you may not be prepared to make the most of being with that someone special. Good luck.

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