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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

I know exactly how you feel! My boyfriend lied to me about 6 months into our relationship and it nearly destroyed us. Men don't understand the damage that lying can do. And they usually do it for 2 reasons... to keep themselves out of trouble after doing something shady, or they think they are "sparing our feelings" and avoiding a fight. When my boyfriend lied to me, I think it was the latter. What he did was really not that big of a deal, but he knew it would upset me a bit. What he didn't realize that once he got caught lying, it would become a MUCH bigger deal and nearly ruin our relationship.

Anyway, you basically have two choices... let it go and try to move forward (which from experience, is hard, because it will take a while to get that trust back), or just let him go. It all comes down to if you really deep down inside yourself, trust him. In your situation, it seems pretty shady to me that he is hanging out with other girls behind your back. If he is in a relationship with you, why is he going out with 2 other girls, with his guy friend? Couldn't that be considered a double date kind of? You said you didn't really have a problem with it, if he had told you, so maybe that's a difference of opinions between you and I. But if my boyfriend did that, whether he told me or not, I would have an issue with it. It just seems to be crossing the boundaries to me.
But, that's for you to determine. Whether it was all innocent or if there is a need to worry. And only you can decide that.

His lying doesn't HAVE to mean the end of your relationship, but it's certainly not a good start! If you forgive him, you have a tough road ahead of you, and your relationship will have to be strong and a very good one in order to make it through the next few months.

Good luck with whatever decision you make. I chose to forgive my boyfriend, and it's now a year later. We have a great relationship, but I still have trust issues sometimes. The thing with me is that I had trust issues to begin with from my past, so his lying to me just made them even worse. But, we have and are working through them, and our every day life is normal and happy. There are just certain times that trust issues pop up and we have to work on them.

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