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Trouble Moving On
Nov 6, 2008
Hi everybody. I originally had no intention of posting on here about this, because I think I know what I need to do, but after reading some other posts, I thought it couldn't hurt to have a little encouragement and advice.

So a few months ago I broke up with my girlfriend. At first, I wanted to stay friends with her, because I couldn't bear the thought of not having her in my life any more. We stayed in touch for a few weeks, but then she suddenly stopped answering my messages online. Facebook notified me a few days later that she had changed her phone number. I had already deleted her old number from my phone, and resisted the temptation to copy down her new number before she removed it from her Facebook profile. We had a night where we returned each other's stuff, but she accused me of starting to act like a stalker that night (on what grounds, I have no idea). After that, I was angry at her, and made no more attempts to contact her at all.

We work together, but our work schedules have us pretty much never working at the same time, and our boss's father is sick right now so neither of us having been getting any hours anyway. I have seen her around town and around our college campus a little, and I've said "hello" or waved, and she has done the same, and that's usually it.

I have done all of the things I can to get over her, including throwing out things that reminded me of her, deleting old conversations and photos of us together, and blocking her screen name, but I still find myself checking her Facebook page a ton of times during the day. I'm really not even sure why. Part of it is that I think she's involved with this new guy, and I really shouldn't care about that at all, but I'd still like to figure out if they are together or not. It's also just hard for me because she ended the relationship (I broke up with her, but only after I caught her cheating on me), and she's taken herself out of my life. I've never had a best friend just disappear from my life like this before. She was my first serious girlfriend. Despite what she did to me, I still care about her a lot. I want her to be successful and happy. That's all I ever wanted for her, even if we can't be together.

I also think she realizes that I check her Facebook page a lot. Although there shouldn't be any evidence of it anywhere, she has still blocked a lot of her photos and her information from me. She hasn't completely blocked me from seeing her profile, though.

I know it's stupid, but I've really had trouble stopping myself from looking at her Facebook page for any information. I guess it's just weird not knowing what's going on in her life anymore. I should really be past this, because we've been broken up since early September, and I had stopped thinking about her and looking at her Facebook page a few weeks ago, but now I'm kind of back at it. I need to stop myself, and I know that, but sometimes it's just too easy to type in her name and check for any updates.
I forgot to mention, it's also been really tough on me because she lives right around the corner from me, and I have to walk past her house every day on my way to class. It used to break my heart every time, but it's gotten easier with time.

Still, I saw her around campus twice today, and I really wanted to say hi to her, but both times we didn't make eye contact and we were walking opposite directions. There's nothing wrong with saying hi to her when I see her around, is there? If anything, I feel that I've been mature about the situation. Just because she hurt me doesn't make her a bad person, and I'm not going to crucify her for it. If I wanted to, I could have told a ton of people and ruined her reputation around campus. But I didn't, because it wouldn't have been right. She doesn't deserve that. She made a mistake out of immaturity, but she's not a bad person, and I only wish her the best moving forward.

I realized earlier today that I should have done what she did after we broke up. Once I picked myself up and started thinking about how to move on with my life, I should have done some of the things that she seems to have done. She is very busy with multicultural events and organizations on campus. She keeps herself very busy with various organizations and activities. She also has a heavy course load, an internship, and two jobs. And she apparently got herself involved with a new guy, as well.

When we were dating, I was involved with a lot more events and organizations on campus, because I would go with her to some things, but since then I feel like I am unwelcome at these activities. I'm always afraid of running into her at a campus event and creating an awkward situation. It seems that most of her friends and our mutual friends have sided with her, usually ignoring me or awkwardly waving hello when we meet in public. In fact, I was really relieved earlier today when one of our mutual friends gave me a warm greeting as I ran into her on campus. It was nice to know not everyone was trying to ignore me.

I tried to remember what I did before she and I started dating, and back then I spent a lot more time with my friends, but since then, a lot of my friends have graduated but I am still in college. In my current situation, I don't have a really strong group of friends that I spend time with. Again, getting involved with new things and making new friends would have been nice, but I needed to really focus on my schoolwork after we split up, and I didn't see the point in trying to make new friends since I will be graduating so soon.

So, I think that's why my situation sucks. I'm graduating soon, and I really have to focus on picking up my grades right now (I fell apart for a few weeks after the breakup), so I should really just keep my head down and focus on my work and forget all about my ex. But it's just tough when I see her around and she seems so happy with her new friends, and she seems like she's moved on to such good things, and I feel like I haven't gone anywhere.
Hey guys, I know it's been a while since I've posted on this thread, but I thought it would be better to seek advice this way instead of starting a new thread.

Things have recently gotten pretty bad for me. After starting another thread on here a few weeks ago and getting advice about something else that's been bothering me, I realized that I'm really unhappy with my life right now. I'm struggling in school, and I've been feeling this void in my life. I noticed it after I broke up with my girlfriend, so I assumed that I was just unhappy because our relationship had ended. But then I realized that things weren't getting any better or any easier for me, and I realized that the void has been there for years. Breaking up with my girlfriend just made me more aware of it, I guess. Specifically, I knew that I've felt like crap for the better part of the last four months. I thought it was just because I was single, but then I realized that a new girlfriend wouldn't, and shouldn't, make my life significantly better. It is important for me to be happy without one, and right now, I'm just not.

People have told me that the pain I felt after my breakup would go away eventually, and things would get better. And they did, for a little while. After we had been broken up for a few weeks, I found myself thinking about her a lot less, and I didn't care what she was doing with her life or who she was dating. But that was because I was focusing on finding a new girlfriend. I was hopeful that everything was going to get better, because I just saw these opportunities around me with new girls, and I thought that a new girlfriend would just make all of my pain go away. I thought a new relationship would make me happy again.

Now I realize that that's not the case. Thinking back, I don't think I was really that happy with my life before my ex and I started dating. However, having her in my life was new and exciting for me (she was my first serious girlfriend), so that made me a lot happier. Since I've been down that road already, I don't think a new girlfriend would have the same effect on me. And I also feel like I'm so messed up right now that I'm really in no condition to get involved with someone new.

However, this has made it tough for me recently. I feel like I just can't move forward with my life right now, and I obviously can't go back. My ex just started dating a new guy (the one I caught her cheating on me with, actually). Back in October, I was pretty sure that she had a new boyfriend (different from the one she's dating now), but it didn't bother me that much. When I found out last night about her new boyfriend now, I just felt devastated for a couple of hours.

There's something else that struck me yesterday, too, and it kind of goes against everything I used to believe. I've always been a big believer in the power and the purity of honest, healthy love. In fact, I used to see it as a necessity. But I've been in so much pain, for so long since my girlfriend left me, I just wonder if it's all worth it. I thought I was happy with her, but I might have just been telling myself that because I wanted to be a good boyfriend and I wanted everything to work out well. I think I was blind to how I was really feeling. And, looking back, I can't remember if the happiness I felt when I was together with her could ever match the sadness I've felt since our relationship ended.

Since I've mentioned that I'm so unhappy, you're all probably wondering why. Well, that's something I don't specifically have an answer to right now. I know that if I were doing better in school, it wouldn't be enough to make me totally happy with myself, but it certainly wouldn't hurt. So I'm trying to focus a lot of my energy into that right now. On top of that, I'd really like to make some new friends and meet some new people, and I think I could finally fill that void if I were able to start working on something where I got to really help people in need. Doing volunteer work or something, maybe working on a fundraiser or taking care of the elderly. I haven't given it much thought yet. But I think it would feel good to help. Then, once I feel like I have my life more in order, and I start feeling happier and more proud of myself, then I think I'll be ready to find someone new. Hopefully. And maybe then, I will be happy enough with myself and with a new relationship that it will be worth risking the pain of a breakup.

Ok, so there's a lot for you all to sink your teeth into and to consider. I'm just not feeling very optimistic right now because to start this plan of mine, I really have to go back to basics. I'm just focusing on the simple task of doing what I need to do to graduate college, and I can't even begin to start planning out ways to make myself happier yet. But I guess I have to start somewhere, right? I just wish I hadn't spent so much time this semester falling in love with every girl I saw and thinking that that would save me. I need to save myself right now.





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