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Relationship Health Message Board

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[QUOTE=rsbird;3793246]I have only been married a year and already my husband & I are not having sex. Now, this is down to me. I hate myself for it, but cannot fix it by myself!

So from your wife's point of view maybe i can shed some light?
I have never needed sex, as much as my husband, therefore i know he's not satisfied. Leaving me feeling rather inadequate. Why would I want sex with a man I know I can't please?
He doesn't show me affection anymore, because I don't give him anything. It's a vicious circle!
I understand you are frustrated and every effort you make to show her you care, getting nothing in return feels like a kick in the teeth. But we are complicated creatures and I think in time, if you can spend enough time showing her affection without pressure to make love, you will get somewhere. It's a slow process, but at least you'd have something to work toward rather than an impending divorce.

If you are both happy to accept you have a problem in your relationship, then I would advise marriage counselling. This can be fixed, if you are both willing to fix it.
You are in a habit, one that will take a lot of energy to break, but it is possible. You've been married such a long time it would be sad to give up if you truly love each other.

Good luck. You are at a crossroads now, and it's all about taking the right path. You'll know it when you see it![/QUOTE]

This one is a good post to keep in mind.

RBMSCC, I feel for you. From reading your posts, I find you to be a sensible and sensitive person. I wish there were an easy way for you to break down this barrier between you and your wife.

Your description of her really shows a depressed woman, so it doesn't seem these medicines she is taking are working properly.

What does she eat? Does she have time to exercise herself? Does she enjoy dancing or something? I should think that she badly needs to do something with her body in order to make it feel alive again. Does she like buying clothes? Encourage her to do so. This might be the beginning of her recovery...

And my final question is for you: what is more important for you - an emotional connection or a physical connection with your wife? Or both?

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