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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


[QUOTE=rbmscc;3794105] We had lunch today and talked about this and she made it clear to me that I am, as she put it, "off limits." In one way I was disappointed, but then on the other hand, I know better. [/QUOTE]

Why didn't you invite your wife to lunch instead?
What sorts of things do you do for/with your wife that are not necessarily explicitly sexual? For instance, do you open the door for her? What do you do to make her feel special? Do you take her out to dinner? (And I don't mean the last minute Saturday-night-let's-go-to-the-steakhouse routine.) I have one---ask her if she wants to play Scrabble on Thursday night. SHake it up. Don't be typical.

I would highly suggest you read the book The Five Love Languages.

You know that it is wrong to have an affair. You have said that yourself. So stop it right now. Get your butt in gear. God sees your thoughts, too, you know...He knows your needs. You should turn to your faith. Seek scripture that talks about patience and being tested, and that it reveals our true committment. I know you want to feel affection, desired, sexually satisfied. I KNOW. And how amazing it would feel---whether it was this woman at work or someone you met in the market---so show interest in you! So don't throw away a HUMAN BEING you love (your wife) for the sake of FEELINGS you long to have. Breaking another human's spirit is far worse than going without for awhile. Yes, I know, and for you---a long while.

Your wife's depression certainly can't last forever. But if you cheat on her---will not THAT have eternal implications?!?!

Counseling is a must. I think, with the counselor present, you need to mention to your wife how much you love her deeply and want to support her. But also, that you have these sexual and emotional needs that continue to go unmet. Ask her, if honestly, she wants to satisfy you in this way, and that if she thinks she would EVER be willing to again. Every relationship will have its problems---huge problems!

Would you rather be the man who starved of sex and affection but stayed true to his wife and able to say when all this passes that you withstood the tests and temptations? Imagine the depth of love that would reflect!

Or would you rather be the man who says "sometime people change and it doesn't work out" and end this marriage? the ballad of our impatient, me-me-me culture.

It sucks for you. It really does. But guess what---that's just how it is. So get over it. Sometimes we have to go without when it seems like everyone else is getting what they want.

Stop focusing so much on how things make you "Feel" but rather what can you do today to make someone else's life better?

You have to do the right thing---no matter what it costs you in this life and no matter how incredibly ridiculously defeated and hungry it makes you feel. Always do the right thing. No matter the cost.





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