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We met up that day. Had a wonderful day in fact. So wonderful I was left buzzing even the day after so I sent him a message telling him we should just go for it, why are we waiting, we had a wonderful day etc. He said we had a nice relaxing day, why start asking questions the very next day. He said we would talk tomorrow because it was quite late. I was happy so I told him never mind and said goodnight. That was three weeks ago. We have met up only twice since then. I saw him last two weeks ago :eek: He is working long shifts no excuse I know. I've been equally busy. Was pretty upset he didn't spend the last two Saturdays with me. But hey, we're not exactly the way I want and I don't command he spends all his days off with me. We do talk often when not meeting up. Two nights ago, he was so tired and emotional after work, he called me and I listened. It was so nice. I helped him see positively and we had a nice chat and no argumetns for a change haha! The next day he sent me a lovely message. I think he appreciated me listening, talking and giving him thoughtful advice. It was nice. So while there are crappy bits there are good bits we can develop from as he keeps suggesting.
We are meeting next on Monday evening before he goes away with family for the holidays.
I am at a stand still again. He gets annoyed when I bring up "the talk" but sometimes I just can't see where this is taking us. I do want to see how it goes. I really want our relationship back but sometimes it really feels like it has gone. If we're going to work things out, it isn't going to be this way in my opinion. We can always see how it goes and take it easy in a relationship. I respect him for not rushing in because mistakes happen that way. The new year is coming. I don't want this to drag on only for him to say he isn't really interested. That's what I am sensing otherwise of course I'd be happy.
I've started posting here again because I'm not really sharing this with anyone in my life and it gets quite lonely at times. Sometimes I wonder if I am making sense as well as trying to understand him.

After typing this and reading it again I think maybe I do need to talk to him? but I have tried to FORCE myself not to because he tells me to leave it, to see where it goes along with stuff I have been reading about how women should never initiate talking and basically supports what he has been telling me. This lets men become more attracted to you, more about winning you etc. This is hard and it shouldn't be. I will admit I get insecure because this has happened between us before and I don't want to be "brokenhearted" again.

I've got the flu and have been home the last two days. So may be this is why I am feeling so down and thinking a lot about things. May be once I am feeling better things won't seem as bad.
My plan before I started getting ill was to dress up nice, meet with him on Monday and have a lovely meal and chat and wish him farewell on his trip. I had planned to get him something very little for xmas/new year present (we aren't Christians so do not celebrate christmas really). Then perhaps just see what the new year brings, adopt a positive attitude, if something happens, it happens, not forcing the relationship or the issue of a relationship.... (or maybe i could tell him a new year, new chance, new opportunity...think about it and get back to me?) But then thoughts kick in like...treat him mean keep him keen? He didn't spend his last Saturday with me. What if he is stringing me along? All my insecurities kick in. What if this drags on and on and on...like it did with someone else who posted on here.
Do I sound reasonable or am I overly insecure? :S
I've made lots of points here and asked a few questions. Hope you can answer and shed some light on these matters for me. Thanks!





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