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I think you both may be right. Actually, I started getting a little carried away, and right now I'm reading a page and trying to figure out if I was emotionally abused in my last relationship.

But I think I might have a slight problem, and here's another example of that. Earlier this week, I was walking to class with some friends. There was another girl walking with us who I've seen in class but I've never talked to her before. I struck up a conversation and it felt good to talk to her, because normally I'm kind of afraid of that. Then, during our class, I started noticing her a little bit more and I started feeling slightly attracted to her. It was definitely not "head over heels" attraction, but it was enough to make me forget about this other girl in that class who I've had a crush on for a little while.

So later that night, I looked her up on F*cebook just to get an idea of what she's like. My friend hates it when I do this because he thinks it feeds into my over-thinking of my crushes and the way I build things up in my head. He feels like I shouldn't learn anything about a girl unless she tells me about it herself. So anyway, I searched for this girl's profile, and I found out that she's engaged. I found myself feeling like, "Well, so much for that idea". I talked to my friend about it the next day. I explained that, if I hadn't looked this girl up on F*cebook, I would have spent all of this time getting interested in her and trying to get to know her, and ultimately, I would have just found out that she's engaged. He said that at least I would have made a new friend, and then we got into a discussion of whether or not guys and girls can just be friends.

But looking back on that series of events now, I realize that there's something screwed up with my perspective. See, I think even though my chat with this girl started off as an innocent conversation, within minutes I was hoping that I could pursue something with her in the future, i.e. a romantic relationship of some sort. My problem is that I couldn't talk to her just for the sake of talking to her, or for the sake of just meeting someone new. I very quickly started thinking about what I could gain, romantically, from talking to this girl and getting to know her a little bit. Once I learned that she's engaged, I instantly lost interest in wanting to talk to her more and getting to know her.

This attitude of mine has manifested itself in other ways, too. When I was in my relationship, I never went out of my way to talk to women or to make any new girl friends, because I had my girlfriend at the time, and I guess I thought that I didn't need anyone else (I was also afraid of making her jealous, but that's beside the point). When I was still reeling from my breakup and I knew I was in no condition to start a new relationship, I didn't bother talking to women in public at all. I guess my thing is that if I can't ultimately have some chance of starting a relationship with a woman, I don't see a reason to make myself talk to her. This is probably also why it is so hard for me to talk to women when I am interested in them, because any conversation I have with any woman has the added pressure of trying to get them romantically interested in me.

I'm sorry, I know this all sounds really awful, and I don't want everyone out there to think that I'm a total creep. I do have quite a few friends who are girls, and most of them like me because I can make them laugh and I'm usually a lot of fun at parties. But I don't think I made any of those girl friends on my own, they were all friends of other friends.

And I'm sorry, reading over this post, it sounds like I'm objectifying women with my attitude toward them and my perception of them. That's certainly not my intent, because I would never want to disrespect women. But I think I might have a problem. I think there is something wrong with me if I can't talk to a woman without wanting to make her my girlfriend. Maybe I can get some advice from my friends, my parents and my therapist to change this perception. And if any of you have any advice for me, I'm all ears. Again, I'm sorry for the way I've portrayed myself here. I'm sorry that I think and feel this way, but I'm going to do everything I can to get help and to change.





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