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[QUOTE=mike1978;3804065]
Larrylou'smom --
She is actually trying to control me to force my sister to make this happen,,I have implied many many times that I want nothing whatsoever to do with {gina}... My sister wrote my ex a very nice and proffesional email basically saying, she was happy that we were trying to make things work But she should really focus on trying to make this relationship work with me rather than worrying who is on her page..my sister said she could understand if she was disrespecting her by talking on the phone with her/hanging out with her, But just having her on her page should not be an issue....Told her she was more than welcome in her house and hoped she could understand..

I have told her I love her, and i want to make this work and I dont have control of my sisters actions.. and she said family is important to me and I dont want anything to do with your family since {gina} is still on your sisters page...
Im going to include a short piece of email that she wrote me...
Obviously I am not a priority in your life. That's fine. If your not going to stand up for me and talk to your sister than I will just move on. I dont care why she requested you and your sister I just want her gone. You need to stand up and tell {gina} how it is and she has to be off your sisters facebook. I am not going to be strung along and I cant continue to be upset like this. I am sorry but I am not going to just deal with the {gina} thing.[/QUOTE]

Again, it's a very tricky situation, and I can see both sides of it. I've known many women in my life who don't want exes anywhere in the picture at all, on any level. I had a best friend who went totally, and I mean totally ballistic because her fiance went to a party and his ex girlfriend happened to be there. She went through a period that whenever he went out with the boys or whenever he was out without her, she insisted on "inspecting him" to make sure he hadn't been up to any hanky panky. My brother's ex girlfriend always had a huge problem with his female friends that he knew for years before he even met her, and it was one of the reasons they broke up I think.

This girl has obviously been very very hurt. I could be wrong, but she seems to be behaving like someone who has been seriously betrayed. I can say, I do understand that. I was betrayed by someone I loved and trusted very very much, and have heard stories about how he bends over backward to kiss his wife's bottom, puts up with her screaming at him in front of everyone when he talks to another woman, even if she's just a relative of a friend, whereas when he acted less than appropriate with a female friend around me, openly ogled other women right in front of me, and I would express displeasure, he'd get angry with me, like I was insecure or overly jealous. It hurts like a knife in my heart to know he blew off his bad behavior with me and didn't allow me to call him on it, wouldn't stand for me holding him accountable for his disrespect, but he takes being screamed at by her when he's not even doing anything wrong. This tells me he obviously just never loved me or respected me or cared about my feelings anywhere near as much as he cares about her and her feelings. I have to admit, if I ever did seriously date anyone else, I would have a big problem with his treating me with one iota less respect than my ex treats his wife with. She screams and he jumps, whereas with me, he just didn't care how he hurt me or disrespected me or how upset he made me. I think I would find it a very great challenge to not see it, to not use it as a measure of his love for me, how many hoops he'd be willing to jump through. It'd be like "well, my ex puts up with this from his wife, and you won't take it from me?? You must not love me." I'm not saying that's ok, it's not a justification, just a reason.

I'm not saying you are supposed to suffer or pay the price for what some other jerk in her past may have done to her. I'm just saying, I don't think it's fair or accurate to just say "oh, the girl's nuts, dump her again." It's a tricky, complicated situation, and I dont' know what the right answer for you is. Hopefully she will come to realize that the hole in her soul cannot be filled by bending you around her finger, but it all depends on how much you love her and want to be with her no matter what. My ex loves his wife very very much apparently, and is willing to take her tantrums and abiding by her rules. A mutual friend invited both of us to a party and even though he said he'd like to come he couldn't if I was going to be there because it would upset her. I don't know if that's the truth, maybe he was just making an excuse, but from what I've heard, he will do anything and everything she demands of him to keep her happy. Some men do that when they really really love someone. But it sounds like you obviously don't think being with her is worth the hoops you have to jump through. Maybe you just don't love her the way you should to be considering a serious long term commitment. Like I said, she may come to a realization and find another way to fill that hole, she may not. Maybe she thinks a man jumping through her hoops is what love is. It would be really hard for me to not see it that way too due to my past experiences with my ex and knowing what he takes from his wife.

Weigh the pros and cons. this is something you're going to have to figure out for yourself - how much do you really love her, and how much of her neuroses are you willing to accept as just part and parcel of being with her?
I can see what LLM is getting at, but I don't agree that anyone should have to jump through hoops or walk on eggshells to be in a relationship. If that is the dynamics of their relationship, well, good luck to them, but they are both willing partners in the game. With your girlfriend, I can see that she has a (probably valid) issue with you being in touch with your ex. and if you had Gina on your own page, then that would be disrespectful, but it is your [B]sister's page!![/B], and how often would you be seeing her on it? She is making you choose between not only her and the ex, but her and your family. I don't think she is insecure. I think she is manipulative with narcissistic tendencies - this black-and-white, 100% my way attitude she has. Stand up to her on this. If she bails, then so be it. Sera.





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