It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Well my boyfriend and I have been together for about 7 months now and overall we're pretty happy together. About a month or 2 ago he moved into his own apartment with one of his guy friends who he works with. About a month ago, I guess they met some girls who live upstairs from them in the same apartment building, and they were going up to their place and drinking with them a little bit. These girls are younger (like 19-20 years old), but when I had to find out that my bf was hanging out with these girls (which was not from him) I got angry because he failed to tell to tell me that he met new neighbors who were girls.


So I confronted him about this about a month ago, asking why he could not tell me that he was hanging out with girls, because to me, his lack of honesty makes it look like he has something to hide. He apologized, and was very upset when i said that this relationship cannot last if I have no trust in him. He asked me how he could gain my trust back, and I told him to be completely honest with me whenever he would hang out and drink with those girls. I didn't expect him to call me up before he did and be like "hey I'm gonna go drinking ok?", but I don't want him to hide it either. He told me that he did not want to tell me about it because he did not want to upset me for no reason.


Since then, I've met these girls, and although I'm too fond of them, they don't seem too bad, and my boyfriend and his friend act very casual around them as well, and they do back. He introduced me to all of them as his girlfriend and whatnot. But last week, the one night I was not with him to go out with my one girlfriend, he and his roomate went upstairs to drink with them, and although he did not tell me straight out, I found out (I asked him a week later how often he dran kwioth them, and he said once a week, and I aksed when the last time was, and he told me that one night I wasn't there). I asked him why he failed to tell me that he hung out with them that night, and that I had to bring it up for him to tell me, and when I texted him about what he was doing that night he said "laying in bed watching tv", which he may have at that time since it was late at night, but he still DID NOT tell me that he huing out with those girls and drank with them, after I told him a month ago that I would rather him tell me when he did than if he didn't.



I then proceeded to ask him as to why he sees it fit to lie to me. And he got really upset and finally opened up saying "I do it because it's the easy way out". He also went on to tell me that this behavior has gotten him into trouble in past relationships, and that he has no idea why he would do it to me when he has intentions on perhaps spending the rest of his life with me. He said that he is selfish in doing this, and that he knows that a relationship is not all about him but both of us, and he admitted that it is not fair to lie to me, regardless of whether or not what he tells me will upset me, and he promised to be upfront with me no matter what.



The main problem I'm having with this is that when I talked to him last night, he told me that him, his one friend who came to visit, his roommate, and 2 of the girls they work with (whom I know very well) drank at their place, then went out to the bar and got re drunk (this probably makes him sound like he drinks alot, but he rarely does). So, he WAS up front with me this time, but I still got upset! I didn't yell at him or anything on the phone, I just got quiet., and I don't know if he even noticed I was upset, which I didn't want him to. And it makes me think that he was right, in that by not telling me when he goes out and does other things, i won't get upset. I don't know what to think at this point. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
How old are both of you? I just ask this because it seems certain age groups (younger) see certain situations as acceptable, where other, older age groups, don't. And I am 25 and my boyfriend and is 28, so I'm probably not much older than you at all. However, I don't find the situation your boyfriend is in acceptable, but everyone has different points of view. If my boyfriend was hanging out drinking with other girls on a regular basis, I would have an issue with it. I just see him as too old to be doing stuff like that, that's more college like behavior.

Anyway, men do lie when they want to avoid arguments. He knows you don't like it when he hangs out with these girls, so he lies about it. But, here's the problem. You don't like it. You probably never will. And I'm guessing the reason you don't like it is because you're insecure about the situation. It sounds like you are afraid something has or something will eventually happen with your boyfriend and one of these girls. So, there are two points. Either he should stop doing it because he knows you don't like it, which some would say is not fair and childish. Or, you have to come to terms with it and deal with it. It doesn't sound like you are ever going to get over it and be comfortable with it. And it doesn't sound like he's ever going to stop doing it. So, those are your two choices as I see it. Either you learn to put your bad feelings aside and suck it up, or you re-evaluate the relationship entirely. Because trust me, you will continue to have issues with it and fight over it regardless or whether or not he continues to lie or starts to tell you the truth.





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:43 PM.





© 2021 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!