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Ok so I posted before about my boyfriend, ex boyfriend. We have been broken up for just over 2 weeks now. This is/was a 41/2 year relationship. He keeps telling me how he wants to be friends, that he really loves talking to me, hanging out with me but when we are in a relationship as more then friends we fight, a lot. It's true we do fight & it always ends up with him contacting me saying he's sorry, even when I initiate the fight. He says with the stress of his family issues that it's really hard to be able to trust people and he doesn't want to feel dependent on anyone right now because he always ends up disappointed. Since our break-up I have tried to get back together with him but he says that things will need to change & has suggested that if we start off as friends again that maybe we can work on having a relationship again. He says that right now he just can't handle it. He says he needs time. I know he loves me & I know that he cares about me. I have never questioned his loyalty or intentions. I can even understand why he broke up with me. I have copied & pasted some of his emails to me. Please tell me whether it sounds like there is still a chance we could get back together, or what it is you think he's saying.

"You're sweet. I am happy when you are like this. I can never turn away from you and I appreciate that you are willing to try and be my friend for now and see where it will go. I will talk to you later."

"MY NAME, please don't be sad. I enjoyed talking to u today. Hope you can sleep and I will call you tomorrow."

"I really hope you are not crying. I am sorry for today, I think I was an ass about it. I am really sorry for telling you that its not a good idea for you to come over. I want to be there for you MY NAME. I really want us to have some kind of relationship. I want you to be happy and know that I still love you a lot. I just need time right now. I am sorry for hurting you. I will call you after I get off work. Think about something fun to do this week. Try to sleep."
-- This message was after we talked on the phone. I told him that I would really like to see him. He said "come over" & then called & canceled saying it was too hard to see me right now.

"You do deserve the best MY NAME. I just cant give you that. I am sorry you feel that way but i never put anyone above you. You were the most important person in my life for the past for 4 and a half years. You are the best thing that ever happened to me and I cant thank you enough for loving me. I know you don't think this hurts me but it does..i just don't want to depend on people right now, look were that got me. I will always care about you no matter what and I hope you will be happy & healthy. You are an amazing person. I hope everything works out for you. I hope one day we can have a relationship of some sort. i didn't throw away your love. I care about you a lot and i do think about the fact that I am making a mistake but I just cant handle someone else hurting me. For once in my life I wont be selfish.I am sorry I broke my promise to u but please know that I will always love you and care for you in a way that I cant describe. Everything will work out for you and u will be happy. Don't ever think you are not worth it. If u ever need my help I will be there, I swear on my mother. Thank you for everything. Goodbye muffin. I hope this isn't making it harder for you. Love you and take care."
---- This message was after I told him that being his friend is too hard. I told him we should not communicate anymore.

Sometimes I wonder if by holding me in the friend spot (which is his idea) is another way of keeping me around until he finds someone else. He called me today after the last message, saying again how he really wants to be my friend but if not he will try to respect that. We talked for a bit & he ended up driving over to my house. We sat in the car & just talked about normal stuff people talk about, not so much our relationship because I don't want him to associate seeing me with unpleasant crying and sobbing, that & I am drugged up on Lorazepam and incapable of tears at the moment. He again told me that he wants to be my friend & that he can't say that it's over, but things have to change & that he needs time. He also said he doesn't want to hurt me if we try the friend thing & he still decides we shouldn't be in a relationship. I have so much love & history with this guy that I can't see how he could reject me if things in our friendship go well. I realize my faults in our relationship & I am willing to work on them. Is it worth it to give this friend thing a go?? Or will I end up hurt? He promised me that there isn't another girl in the picture. He even said he's nowhere near ready to try & date someone else. I do believe him. He says that he just feels like he's not in this right now. I know that I have hurt him. He has done way more for me then I have ever done for him. I feel like an idiot for not appreciating him & I am willing to do whatever it takes to show him this.

Near the end of conversation, I asked him if he wanted to have sex, one last time. Yeah I know, but I feel an urge to be physically close with him. He said no. He said he couldn't do that to me. He loves & respects me too much to have random sex with me when things aren't ok between us. He said that he would feel guilty playing around with my feelings, and that it would make me feel worse knowing that we had sex and that he still isn't ready to be in a relationship with me. He said it's not the sex that needs to be fixed but things between us. He said a lot of things would have to change & that he's not sure if it's possible. I asked him if it's over, like really over & told him to look me in the eye & tell me. He said he couldn't do that, that he's not sure. He says that his heart tells him to stay but his brain says that things aren't right between us.

My questions:
1) Does this sound like he's just keeping me around "just in case"?
2) Do you think it is worth trying the friendship thing? Do you think there is a possibility of it leading to something more in the future? I am willing to work on my faults, or will I just get hurt again??
3) Do you think it's fair of me to ask to set some "friend guidelines"
like for instance not dating other people until he either concludes this isn't working or he wants to get back together? or, Seeing eachother a certain number of times per week, to see, to really see if it can work. I feel like just talking everyday is nice but in order to know how our friendship is going we need to spend together as friends, no?

He asked me to do something this week with him. He suggested Saturday but I am busy and don't want to make it seem like I am able to just drop everything for him. I suggested Friday, he has plans with a friend. Thursday he is busy & Sunday I am busy. He said he would like to do something Friday, & he's going to see if he can postpone his plans for Friday to Saturday, he will let me know tomorrow. If he doesn't postpone his plans should I feel let down by this?? He knows that this break up is hard on me & it's him pushing the friend idea so shouldn't he try to make me a priority? Or should I just accept that his plans with this friend were made first & no different then our plans since we are now just friends??

Thank you.





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