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*The title of this is wrong...should be Boyfriend's Relationship with his ex's 4 year old daughter**

I'm just torn up as to what to think about this. I guess I should start from the beginning.

My bf and I have been together for a little over 1 year. It has been the best year of my life. He has treated my wonderfully, kindly, and trusts me. Up until lately, I've trusted him with everything I have. We get along wonderfully, and any time that we are apart, I miss him like crazy. I can't wait to get home from work at night just to see him and give him a huge hug. He is so kind and funny. We have had no drama in our relationship...until maybe now.

He and his ex girlfriend split almost 2 years ago. It was almost a year (minus a few months) before he and I got together, so it's not like we jumped into anything. I had also been single for a year before I met him.

She (the ex) has a daughter (not his), who while they dated & lived together (for a year and a half), he became very attached to this child. The child is now approx 4 years old. He tells me that he stayed as long as he did because he felt that her daugher was not being taken care of properly. Anyways, she ended up leaving him for someone else. Apparently it was a bad & messy break up for him. After a few months, she was about to loose her child to the officals, because she wasn't taking care of her properly. My boyfriends parents had also became attached to the child, so offerered to take care of the girl until his ex got back on her feet. The daughter lived on the other side of the country with my boyfriends parents for 6 months. (Again, this all happened before we met). After 6 months, she moves back with her mother (the ex). My boyfriends mother has an unexpected health problem weeks after the girl's return to her mother, and was on life support. My boyfriend flys his ex and her daughter home so his mother can have her daughter there one last time. Unfortunatly she died. My boyfriend stays in his hometown, and the ex and her child go back to the other side of the country. This whole time the ex is still dating whoever it was she left him for. 3 months later, he and I are together.

Fast forward a year. He leaves his facebook open one day, and not realizing it ( I really didn't notice...we have many of the same friends, I didn't know he had logged me off) I thought it was mine. I seen what I thought was that I had a new inbox msg, so clicked on it. There I see a bunch of msgs from his ex, that were recent, and then realized that this was his account. I looked at two of them. Stupid I know, but they were right there. One was a recent (Sept) drunken msg he had sent her saying how much he missed her daughter and wanted to find a way to still be in her life (the ex's daughters life). She had replied a few days later that she had been trying to call him and cant get ahold of him (because he is at my house alot, is why.). We don't offically live together but he has stayed over every night for over a year. The other msg was her a few days later putting him down for not talking to her daughter, and blaming ME for interferring with his and her daughter's relationship. (???). And telling him that he should bring her home to spend time with her (again the daughter). He had replyed that he has been trying to call her on her cell phone, but it wasn't answering. That was it. I was absolutley devistated when I read this.

So now, about 2 months later, I find out that his ex is coming home for Christmas. He has 2 weeks off over christmas...and something deep down in the pit of my stomache tells me he may have paid for both of them to come home. She has family here so it's not that she will be staying him him, but the last time she was home for two weeks, she dropped her daughter off at my ex's parents house and didnt pick her up or call or anything until it was time to go home (this was when his mother was still alive).

After I had found the facebook msgs in Sept, I had a conversation with him (I didn't tell him about what I saw) that I trusted him with my world, and didn't want him to ever hid anything from me. He then told me that he had had contact with her daughter occasionally. I told him that if he could be upfront with me and not hid anything from me, that I would support him having a relationship with her daughter. But I also told him, it would not be the case for his ex, obviously.

I've never heard anything else about it......but everytime he is late coming to my house, I always wonder if he had been talking to his ex. It makes me sick. We are both late 20's and should be grown out of these secrets and speculations. I have let myself fall completly head over heels for this guy, and yesterday I felt like my world was about to crash. When I heard she was coming home, I actually was so upset about it, I felt like I was going to throw up. I slept about 2 hours the entire night lastnight, because I couldnt stop thinking about it, and what I should do.

I have the same christmas break as he does, and as a christmas present have arranged a surprise ski-doo vacation and cabin rental for 4 days about a 6 hour drive from here, right after Christmas on the 28th. (The ex comes on the 26) I have no idea if he'll go now, if this child is coming here. And I don't know how I'll feel about the situation if he doesn't go. If he did fly the child home, that will be 4 days out of 7 that he would miss... Or even if he didn't pay to fly her home....that would still be 4 out of 7 days he would miss. But, my side is, he would still have a few days to see a child that he really doesn't have any ties to anymore

I honestly feel like by him holding on so tightly to his past, it is effecting he and I moving forward. He isn't a "talk about emtions" type of guy. He's very affectionate, but to talk about concerns, etc, doesn't happen well for him. I don't know if I am justified to feel this way. I honestly feel threatened by a child that isn't his. I don't know why.

I have been attached to ex's family's. The only other person I have ever been serious with had cheated on and left me also. I was super close to his parents, grandparents and brother & sister-in-law. But as hard as it was, I let them go. I see them once a year if I go to the supermarket in that town, and I may have a 30 second conversation, if that. I am not thinking he should cut this child off, but I think it's over the limit of what's going on.

I want to be an amazing girlfriend to him, as he is an amazing guy. I honestly feel like I've been more patient than most people would be in this situation. Am I justified to be weirded out by his connection to his ex? She and her daughter now lives with her new boyfriend. They've been together for a few years. So it's not like that child doesn't have a father figure.

I'm so confused. I've kept this all to myself for so long because I thought I would be a horrible person for feeling this way about a kid...but it's just the connection and amout of connections that come with it that make me so unsure.

Thanks for letting me vent.





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