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[QUOTE=Hangin in There;3813495]Thing is, I like him in a way...as a friend. I don't mind occasionally meeting for dinner and paying my own way, but I don't have romantic feelings for him. I've told him this before, and he will sometimes agree to meet "as friends", but then tries to kiss me.[/QUOTE]

May I say, you are making a huge, HUGE mistake in continuing contact with this guy. His behaviors have made it perfectly, crystal clear that he is not at all interested in being just friends. No matter what his words say. For some reason I don't understand, you have decided not to listen to him, and you have decided to keep this man in your life when you KNOW that he's not what you want, and he wants, and will always try to get, way more than you want to give him.

I made the same mistake once. I hung around this guy who made it clear that he wanted a romantic relationship but I wasn't the least bit interested. We met at an open mic, we're both musicians, and he had good recording equipment at home and we decided to record a few demos. He said he had a friend that he played out with and they wanted a third person to form a band and I would be perfect. So i spent 7 months of my life rehearsing in his basement, although it was clear he wasn't serious about putting a band together, as rehearsals consisted mostly of pizza and chewing the fat and maybe running over a few songs. 7 months later, we still only knew three songs together. I asked if I could borrow some of his cds to copy so I could learn some of the songs he and his friend knew, something always distracted him. I gave him a tape of some easy songs I knew, he never had time to learn them. Halloween came around and he and his friend got a gig, and "well, since we only know three songs with you, it'll be me and him, but we'd like for you to sit in with us and do the three songs with us (and ot get paid like we are, of course, since "we're' the "real" band, etc). I said no thanks, I've been in this situation before, being the guest in someone else's deal, helping them out and making them look better and more diverse by having a female singer, but not being allowed to be a real, full part of the deal myself, and I wasn't interested in going there again. Well, he totally went off on me, saying he had always treated me with nothing but respect and he wasn't like those other guys, etc. That's when it dawned on me that he had never been sincere at all about any of his so called intentions and everything he had done, said, promised, was just a ploy to get down my pants. We'd go to open mics once or twice together and he'd pat my knee in the car. And once, actually it was the last time, he kept reaching around behind me and tickling my side, like if he was sneaky and persistent enough, he could somehow become my boyfriend without my knowing it and by the time I realized he was my boyfriend, it would be too late for me to object.

It sounds like you've gotten yourself into the same mess. And I'm telling you from personal experience, there is only one way out of the mess. You're going to have to bust his chops and just tell him you are only interested in friendship but it's clear he is not, and therefore it'd be best if you didn't hang out anymore.

By the way, my situation got even stickier. I knew a guy long time ago, who was my boyfriend-at-the-time's roommate, but I fell out of contact with him when my boyfriend dumped me, which was in 1998. Then I met the muscian weirdo in early 2000, and knew him till Halloween, 2000. I had told him all about my ex and the band and what a jerk my ex and his roommate had been, and he said he understood totally and he hated them for my sake because of what they had done. Then in aroudn 2004, I got back into contact with the ex's roommate in a misguided attempt at closure, and as we were swapping stories of the last five years of our lives, I mentioned musician weirdo and how I had to end the association because I didn't want to be just the unpaid featured guest in someone else's deal and never be inlcuded in the real deal myself and he said "I dont' blame you, I wouldn't either!" Then he moved a few months later, and I discovered that his new roommmate, was musician weirdo, and they had become friends!! They seemed to not ever realize that the stories I told were about each other, AND that they had both taken my side in teh scenarios. Anyway, the old friend had heard musician weirdo's side of the story and had decided that I coldly, selfishly used musician weirdo, who was a really sweet, wonderful guy who treated me like a princess, blah blah blah. Just liek you are using this guy, because you know you don't wnat him as a boyfriend, yet you are taking advantage of his feelings for you and letting him buy you dinner, take you out, letting him let you cry on his shoulder, knowing that he's hoping it will lead to you being his woman, and you know that will never happen. Now at the time I didn't think I used this guy at all, but maybe I did without really meaning to. I knew he liked me, and I was wrong to have believed him when I asked him if he was ok with just being friends, could he accept it, and he said yes. I knew deep down somewhere he didn't really mean it, and yet I continued to hang around him. If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't have.

Anyway, I kicked both of them out of my life again. Neither of them were ever really on my side or ever really had respect for me or ever truly cared about me as a person.

This guy sees you as something to conquer, by any means necessary. He doesn't respect your wishes or boundaries, or he never would have tried to kiss you after you made it clear you only want to be friends. This guy's a weirdo who wants to cajole, and subversively coerce you into being his girlfriend and hope the deal will be done before you have the chance to realize what's happening and escape. Only you can decide whether you are going to play that sick game. You're either going to completely get out now, or have a nice wedding.

EDIT: p.s. the whole thing about inviting himself over to meet your son and insisting you go to the bathroom back at the restaurant instead of letting you just go home like you were wanting to, he sounds incredibly controlling. Again, he doesn't see you as a person, with wishes and feelings and boundaries that need to be respected. He sees you as something to wear down and conquer, at any cost. Is this really, truly your idea of a healthy relationship? Really??





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