It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


ive been with my boyfriend just over 2 years but hes so angry he has always been easy to annoy but its getting worse to the point where im scared to speak to him or i dont no wat to say i dont understand why hes like this ive told him he should get help but he wont and he says he dont have a problem he says its all my fault but i havent done anything and its starting to drive me mad i love him more than anything and i want our relationship to work but what is wrong with him???? i dont no wat to do anymore plz help
Hi
Im sorry you are having such a difficult time. I have been in a few disastrous relationships, the worst with my ex husband. He was always angry,slightest thing would set him off. I ended up walking on eggshells, scared to do anything, scared of saying the wrong thing in case he started again. It gradually got worse until his temper was uncontrollable and he started beating me, im not saying this will happen to you, but please be very wary as tempers have a habit of getting out of control. There must be something that is making your partner so angry, very often it comes from the childhood. Im afraid the first step is for your partner to realise he has an anger problem, until he does it will not be resolved. Please do not continue to suffer in silence no matter how much you love him, you are entitled to feel safe and thats what you should feel when in a relationship, not scared. Good luck
It's hard to describe or know where anger comes from. I know because I have it.
I'm told "I HATE the world" by my therapist. But I was shocked when she told me this, because I feel like i"m a very compassionate, loving person.
I'm shy, I smile alot and don't like disturbances.
But most people dont' know this about me upon first meeting me.( that I have an anger problem) because i"m normally a very smiley, upbeat person. but easily pushed too. I'm so hypersensitive to stimuli that even sudden loud noises will make me angry. Or if I drop something, or if something just doesn't go smoothly when I"m trying to do something. I can't even number the things that agitate me.
I am 48 yrs old and it took me most of my life to find out what might be the cause of it. I call it "the fire within"
My therapist says that because of the way my father was when I was little had alot to do with why I am now. I don't want to blame my parents.
but he was such a miserable, angry man when he was alive. he died when i was 17. I only cried once and found myself thinking of him very rarely through out my life.
My twin brother and i had to always be quite. I dropped a fork one night while eatting dinner and it hit my plate. the room was always quite and no one ever spoke at the table, so when the metal fork hit the dish, it sounded as if a bomb went off, which in turn set him off like a monster screaming and cursing at me for causing a disturbance to his precious ears!
to this day I hate sudden noise and I re-act to it as if someone hit me from behind. I want to lash out at it.
I also was told that because I was never allowed to express myself to him because of his out rages, that I've become a very angry person over this. becasue I wasnt' allowed to speak back to him.
she also said because i had to take so much as a child, that now as an adult if I feel that I'm being treated unjustly, that I won't take it as an adult and she says I have every right in the world to feel angry about how I was treated while growing up.
so I yell and look like a maniac to a person who scratches their head wondering why I just went off on them verbally.
these are my coworkers I"m speaking of, when I worked that is.
I am now considered disabled mentally and un able to deal with the world emotionally. I become rude and yell at anyone who I feel may insult me even if the person didn't mean it.
I can't stand myself that I can't tell the difference at times.
I also feared using the bathroom in the middle of night in case I might have woken him up. this is how frightened i was of him. he used to theaten the boys with his belt, but he never physically touched me.

before i was born and when he was avidly drinking, my older sister and brother told me there was a time he would sit in the living room with a gun in his lap, a rifle to be exact, because he was a hunter and had a gun cabinet full of rifles and shotguns, he wouldn't let any of the kids come into the house until he said it was ok and when they finally were allowed to enter, they feared for their lives at night while they slept.
I didn't go through the extent they did, but none the less, I didn't escape the damage he caused of my fear of him.
This is the definition of a "father"? I never had a father as far as I'm concerned. but do I have the right to be an angry person the rest of my life?
where I make my own four children afraid of me unless I go off in anger over something stupid?
so there are many reasons why a person can be angry all the time.
ask a person why, and I'll bet you any money they'll tell you they don't know why.
some try to drink it away or by drugging it away or even trying to kill themselves. I did all 3 of these, but none worked.
not until I sought help from a therapist and got on medication from a psychiatrist was I able to deal with my problems and there fore want to heal myself and make a better life for myself and to the others who live around me.
I feel for you. It takes a very long time for some one to even reach the point where they see they have an anger problem. Are you ready to go through his anger with him the rest of your life?
is it really worth it for the sake of what we call "love"?
I'd say if he refuses to seek help and turns down the possiblity of making a loving, caring relationship with you, because if he really cared, he would get the help he very much needs. after all, you are the closest one to him and he should heed your advice on how you feel about his anger problem.
it's never too late to walk away if you're not married to him. I know it will hurt you and you'll miss him dearly, but it will make you a healthy, happy person in the end instead of becoming miserably unhappy and possibly physically abused up the road if his anger gets worst.

that's probably the only thing you can really do if he refuses to get help. why should you suffer for his anger?
the choice is up to him, not you to get himself better.

I hope i didn't offend you in any way. I am just sharing what I have experienced on a personal level of anger and what it feels like on the opposite end of where you're at.
sometimes there is no ending the anger.

good luck.


L.





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:13 AM.





© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!