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that was nice of lintek to write that long post


you're question is why, and the answer is only he really knows, the rest of us have best guess's

i see anger in degree's

a. we all get angry sometimes, thankfully that is most of us and it is fairly contained

b. the decent person who let's there anger fly when they know they can get away with it, this is more of a habit, control issue thing, an example which is pretty common is someone who is always nice around friends or peers, and can get angry quickly with family members or friends, mostly because they got no choice

c. the angry man, or women, for some they use anger as there motivation, most of the time this is again a habit, and it has worked so well for them for so long in lot's of life situations they will continue to do it, until they hit a wall

d. then you're into the issue stuff, and it becomes a each has his own story, tied with personal strengths and weakness's and coping mechanisms

e. out of control anger, major problems here, like anger tv 24-7, that is scary

so, all in all, like most stuff, unless one wants to help oneself it on average does not resolve itself, a body in motion will tend to stay in motion until?????????????, ie, something significant wouldhave too happen to enact change

hoped that helped
good luck
[QUOTE=css1;3817258]that was nice of lintek to write that long post


you're question is why, and the answer is only he really knows, the rest of us have best guess's

i see anger in degree's

a. we all get angry sometimes, thankfully that is most of us and it is fairly contained

b. the decent person who let's there anger fly when they know they can get away with it, this is more of a habit, control issue thing, an example which is pretty common is someone who is always nice around friends or peers, and can get angry quickly with family members or friends, mostly because they got no choice

c. the angry man, or women, for some they use anger as there motivation, most of the time this is again a habit, and it has worked so well for them for so long in lot's of life situations they will continue to do it, until they hit a wall

d. then you're into the issue stuff, and it becomes a each has his own story, tied with personal strengths and weakness's and coping mechanisms

e. out of control anger, major problems here, like anger tv 24-7, that is scary

so, all in all, like most stuff, unless one wants to help oneself it on average does not resolve itself, a body in motion will tend to stay in motion until?????????????, ie, something significant wouldhave too happen to enact change

hoped that helped
good luck[/QUOTE]
thankyoy for your help but i still dont no wat to do im only 19 and no were not married he is turkish and im english to him some things that english people do is not right to him as his religion is different. i realy want it to work but he wont get help i asked him if something happened when he was a child coz his dad drinks a lot and is also quite a angry person but he just started shouting again saying im driving him mad.i no we can have a realy good relationship but he needs to calm down and wont!
Lisah,
I can't tell you what to do, because most people don't want to leave the person because they feel they love them and that it would hurt them if they did.

If he can't even talk to you civially when all you do is ask him a simple question, then how do you think your relationship is going to work?

He sounds like he needs to get his life together BEFORE he gets into a serious, loving relationship.
the way he treats you is not what true love is.
love is patient and kind, not angry or being rude to anyone.

You probably feel alot older than age 19, because I did when i was your age. I got married at age 19, which is young. I thought I was in love. my marriage lasted 18 years and I only knew him for four months before i married him.

I had NO idea what the meaning of what love was then. I had no idea what the meaning of LIFE was then either. I thought I knew because i felt older than what I was. everyone does.
I have four children. my youngest is age 19 and she acts and talks like she's alot older. I try to give her my advice when she's in situations like yourself.
one has to learn themselves sometimes in order to really learn. not just be told what to do.
this way you build wisdom.
ask yourself this...... do you really want to be with a man the rest of your life who won't even talk to you in a normal voice without screaming at you when you all you want to do is help him?

being he is from a different custom makes it harder for you too.
the men from other customs are different than American men sometimes.
are you ready for that?
My father and mother are from another custom and another country so I'm not saying this because I"m predjudice. I know from my own experience.

don't waste your youth and your life on someone who is not going to treat you with respect and kindness. you don't deserve to be treated any less. no one does.
he needs to find out himself what is causing his anger and not before he does will he have a good relationship and to learn how to control his anger.

I also want to say to be careful with the situation you're in because it can turn into a cycle. woman don't mean to keep going with the same type of man who is abusive. it just happens subconsciously. It's like being in some type of bad dream that keeps happening over and over and when you finally break up, you ask yourself why you didn't see certain things before.
it's weird, but true.
this happened to me too.
I could NOT for the life of me get over this man who was treating me so horrible. he seemed fine on the outside when you first meet him and he seems fine to others on the outside, but boy oh boy, when I found out what he was really like, it really flipped me out.
it took me 3 whole years to finally break away from that crazy relationship. I drove my family nuts with all the fighting and crying i'd do over the phone with this guy. yet I couldnt' leave him. nor could he leave me.
not until I realized that I needed to break this invisible circle of maddness did I get better and then I realized that I wanted to be with a loving, kind man, not one who I had to walk on egg shells all the time.

Go to the library in the self help section and do some research. this is what helped me tremendously see things I didn't know I was doing or allowing him to do to me.

I wish you the best outcome of the situation you're in.
I dont' know if I'm making a bigger deal than what is really going on, but I'm only going by what you've written.
it's hard to fully see the picture of a persons life by only reading a short post.

good luck,

Linda





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