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I wrote before about my boyfriend of 5 years. We broke up for a couple weeks, he took a girl from work on a date. Now he says he wants to work things out with me.

Two nights ago he had me in tears with the things he was saying (good tears). He told me that he loves me more then anyone in the world, he wants me to move in with him etc.

Tonight he is cold & distant. He doesn't feel like hanging out with me. He is talking in his "mad voice". Returns my calls hours later. We ended last night on a good note. What gives?

THEN... after the above, on the SAME day. He calls, is being sweet & funny. Wants to pick me up after work.

It almost feels like he is playing different sides. He got a taste of single life, dating etc. and he liked it. HOWEVER, he doesn't want me to leave. I have been a stable part of his life for 5 years. When things are good with us, they are really good. He knows that I will be there when he needs me. He knows that I always put him first.

He STILL hasn't told the girl from work that him & I are back together. He says that it was only 1 date, he can't "break up" with her because they were never together & that doing so would make him uncomfortable. He says he rarely sees her & is never in her department. Today he tells me how her friend (another co-worker) gave him a hug today & said she needed to talk to him later on. My guess is it's about the girl he went out with. If I bring her up he gets mad. I have stopped asking questions about work.

I don't know if I can do this. I feel like he wants me to stick around & keep things open with her. He likes that she likes him. He likes the attention. He likes her. He doesn't want to loose me.

I don't want to play games. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I think of just being the perfect girlfriend. Be available when he needs me, pretend like this doesn't bother me, go out of my way to do things for him. Then I think if I do this, make myself so available he will walk all over me. He holds the power. A friend told me to do the exact opposite. Make myself less available, show him that he WILL lose me if things continue like this.

He is hot one moment & cold the next. I feel like I am dealing with dual personalities. I don't think he knows what he wants. I am used to being the one "chased" in our relationship, now I just feel powerless.

Do I chase him? Do I back off?
[QUOTE=happymom28;3819600]Honestly, I don't believe for one minute that work party was "cancelled". I think he just doesn't want you to go. [/QUOTE]

It was canceled. They cut back funding & asked everyone to pay an obscene amount to go. There wasn't enough people willing to pay the amount they were asking for so they canceled it. One of my good friends is dating someone from the same company. He did tell me about this employee arranged get-together, if he wasn't planning on taking me wouldn't he have just not told me about it? Made up plans with someone else & gone alone?

[QUOTE=happymom28;3819600]He asked you to give him the benefit of the doubt to talk to her on Monday (3 days ago) and you did. He broke his end of the bargain. I would tell him "it's her or me" and mean it. If he wants you so badly then it will be an easy choice no matter how awkward it would make things at work. If he still protests then you know there is unfinished business there between them and in that case you are better off letting him go. You deserve better than that.[/QUOTE]

This bothers me. He promised to talk to her Monday. I asked him on Monday he said he didn't see her. I asked him Tuesday, he said he didn't see her. Wednesday night he tells me that he did see her Tuesday. That she smiled & waved at him. He also saw & spoke to her Wednesday but no mention of the things he promised to say. Now her friends are trying to talk to him, my guess is to ask why he has been ignoring her. Also if we do end up going to this employee party won't it be weird if we show up together & he introduces me as his girlfriend? He told her when we were broken up for less then 2 weeks that we had been broken up for a month. He has never mentioned to her that we are back together & then we show up at a party together?

He gets mad if I ask about her. Asks me why I bring her up. Yet he will bring her up. I did at one point tell him that he doesn't have to talk to her about us if he doesn't want. I said that hoping he would. Almost like a test. He failed.
He's doing all this because he can. Simple as that.

If you put your foot down and refused to see him until he gets rid of her, and mean it, he wouldn't be playing these games. But you go along with whatever he wants (I guess to keep him? Why?) so he knows he can push and push and you'll just accept it.

Your life will be full of jealousy, suspicion, anxiety, hurt, mistrust, etc. You will be doing drive-bys, checking his phone, bed sheets and wallet, and trying to listen in on his phone conversations. You will be suspicious whenever he leaves the room to talk on the phone or whenever you can't get ahold of him.

He isn't going to change, so ask yourself this; do you want to live this way?
[QUOTE=Redneon82;3820309]He's doing all this because he can. Simple as that.

If you put your foot down and refused to see him until he gets rid of her, and mean it, he wouldn't be playing these games. But you go along with whatever he wants (I guess to keep him? Why?) so he knows he can push and push and you'll just accept it.

Your life will be full of jealousy, suspicion, anxiety, hurt, mistrust, etc. You will be doing drive-bys, checking his phone, bed sheets and wallet, and trying to listen in on his phone conversations. You will be suspicious whenever he leaves the room to talk on the phone or whenever you can't get ahold of him.

He isn't going to change, so ask yourself this; do you want to live this way?[/QUOTE]

Am I being crazy though? It was 1 date, while we were broken up. 1 coffee, 1 kiss on the cheek. If he was really cheating, wouldn't he lie? Tell me he told her about us. Tell me he doesn't talk to her anymore. Like today for instance, he has the day off to go to court. He could have lied, said he was going to work & spent time with her. Instead he told me the truth & invited me for lunch.

What lingers with me is that he hasn't told her. He is still flirting. She still thinks he's single. He said she is a "cool girl", someone he could have a friendship with. My friends are all very aware that I am in a relationship. I am not attracted to my friends. In someways I can see the uncomfortable-ness of it. "Hey, I am back with my ex, so stop text messaging me ok?" BUT after he told me that he has delayed telling her because if things don't work between me & him she is someone he may want to pursue. How do I swallow that? I don't think it's unreasonable for me to ask him to tell her...to close the door. He promised he would on his terms. He hasn't.





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