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Relationship Health Message Board


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[QUOTE=Redneon82;3820365]So he doesn't want to tell her you are back together in case you don't work out, then he can date her. So he wants to keep her as a backup? And that sure doesn't sound like he has much faith in his feelings for you if he has a backup all picked out & lined up.[/QUOTE]

Sometimes I wonder if I am the backup... Maybe he wants to see where things go with her & if it fails he knows his good ol' reliable girlfriend will be there waiting.

The thing is he will deny that he is keeping her around as a "just in case", but on one occasion he admitted that thats what is was. He will say things like "thats not what I meant" or "thats not what it is", then why did he say that? Why is keeping in contact with her?

He openly admits that he finds her attractive. He admits that he likes her & would (if there was no me & him) like to get to know her better. He tells me though that he can't help his "feelings for her" & that he would never risk "us" for "her". He said that he will not act on his feelings. Do I just accept this? Take this as a "crush" with the occasional flirting? Trust that he won't act on it? If he really doesn't want a relationship with me, why does he tell me he does?

It also seems to me like she is some kind of conquest. The other guys at work find her attractive. Some have asked her out. She picked him. I think this makes him feel good. It was really the same with me too. We met in high school, some of his circle of friends asked me out. I turned them down & ended up with him. Is it wrong that he likes that she likes him? He tells me that she has been initiating all the contact between them since him & I got back together. This makes him feel good.

We were supposed to go to lunch at 2. He called and said he would be a half hour late that he needs to shave. Before any of this I wouldn't have questioned him, now in the back of my mind I wonder if he was with her?...

I am going to tell him today, that he needs to decide. That if he wants to be with me, I will trust that he will end it with her. That in order for us to move forward he needs to close the door with her.

PS. She still thinks we were broken up for a month when they went out (it was under 2 weeks) & has NO idea that we are back together. I really feel like he owes it not just to me but to her to let her know, that is if he wants to be with me, like he says.





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