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[QUOTE=Mileena42;3820824]If this man has so much going for him that you can see......you do a poor job of bringing that to light in your post. [/QUOTE]

Thanks for your reply, Mileena. He is great with children, and would be an attentive and involved father. That really appeals to me, because my own father didn't engage a huge amount with me. Also, he's very kind, loving, attentive and caring when things are going well. It's when my anxieties start flaring up, or when I get upset with him, that things spiral downwards. The trouble is, I am usually always anxious.

I have to admit at this point that I have quite severe social anxiety, so when we interact with his friends or family I do get quite anxious, and afterwards I analyse everything that was said and ask him if I sounded stupid when I said X, Y or Z, or if he thinks a friend(s) or family member likes me etc. It doesn't help that he has a lot of siblings and they all fight/gossip a lot (dysfunctional background). So their behaviour triggers my anxieties of being negatively judged and thinking they don't like me/are gossiping about me. It gets so weary on him, the constant reassurance and anxiety. He feels he can't relax and have a "normal relationship" where we socialise and do normal stuff.

I also have trust issues. My dad always told me not to trust men, my brothers cheated on their girlfriends/wife, my first boyfriend of 5 years also cheated on me. I was honest about these issues to my boyfriend, but sometimes I would look through his phone or get paranoid that he might be cheating and he HATED that. It really hurt him and made him angry.

Also, I have spent hours and hours talking about my problems with (or morelike AT him), trying to understand them and trying to figure out where my problems came from/how they started. And this has been so repetitive and difficult for him.

I am far from perfect but I admit that, and I've never given up trying to find help (therapy/meds) to "fix" my anxiety problems. However I do realise that the dynamics of our relationship have been adding to my insecurities.

At times, he can see that his behaviour can be cruel and overly harsh, and only last month he said he'd get some help for it - but then overnight he changed his mind and said "why do I need to get help to help me cope with you and your problems".

I just can't help feeling that if I wasn't so anxious and insecure, that the relationship could have worked. So I can't shake off the feeling that it's all my fault.





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