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Relationship Health Message Board


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My boyfriend and I have been together for over five years. For the longest time I have wanted nothing more than for him to pop the question. However, now that this looks like it really might happen I think that I am starting to get cold feet? Is this normal? Little things about him are really starting to get on my nerves… and some bigger issues have come up that kind of bother me.

I’ll start with the issue that is bothering me the most. He says that when we get married he thinks we should have separate bedrooms because he works shift work and doesn’t want us to wake each other up when we come home at different times. At first this didn’t bother me, but the more and more that I think about it… sleeping in different bedrooms would make me feel like we were not even married. I would also feel kind of used. Would that mean that he would come to my bedroom when he just wanted sex and then leave right away for his room? That would make me feel like I was in a loveless relationship! Maybe he is like this because he has been a bachelor for so long and doesn’t want to share his bed? I have not talked to him about this yet because I wanted to get an outside perspective on the matter.

Another thing that is starting to bother me is that he sometimes gets into these moods where he has to constantly crack jokes and tease me. At first it was funny, but now it is really starting to annoy me! For example, if I ‘m talking to him and he is in one of these moods he will over exaggerate and mimic my facial expressions. This is really annoying, especially if I am trying to have a serious conversation with him. It has gotten to the point that I have had to ask other people if I really do make all these strange and distracting faces when I talk. The answer is always no. And like I said when we first started dating it was funny and I would laugh… but now it is getting old!

Also, I can count on one hand the number of times he has told me that I look nice or that he thinks I look beautiful. I know that this may be a minor detail for some people… but I’m a romantic person and I like to hear such things. It is like saying that is very hard for him to do. He can tell me that he loves me, but he can’t say that I look nice. If I ask him if I look nice he won’t answer and says that it is a trick question and he knows how girls are. I have told him time and time again girls like to hear that they look nice… and then he will say some comment like “Okay, you look like a lovely wildebeast.” Or he will say some other weird thing that isn’t a compliment. I don’t understand?!? He is in his 30’s he should know better.

Another thing that bothers me is that he doesn’t like to cuddle. He will….and I believe that it is all for my sake though. I don’t know I always pictured myself with a man who would want to fall asleep with me in his arms. Idk, maybe that man doesn’t exist. My boyfriend doesn’t like to touch anyone while he tries to sleep.

I don’t know if I should even mention it because it is really gross… is that he has really bad gas and is very open about letting one rip right in front of me. He will sometimes even aim it at me or try to sit on me. I have told him time and time again that it really bothers me, but he still does it! Are all men like this when you really get to know them? Are there any guys out there who don’t feel the need to fart on there gfs? I have only been in two other relationships besides this and neither of them went past the 1 year mark…. So I don’t have a lot of experience with men.

Also, I feel like I make a lot of the compromises. I’m open to see movies that he likes, but he will rarely go see a chick flick for me. I won’t go and see any of his stupid, sick, comedies with him anymore though since he won’t see chick flicks with me. I don’t find farts and burps amusing.

Now don’t get me wrong. My boyfriend has some great qualities. He has done some really nice things for me and helped me out when I my rent went up. He is a good person, he gets along great with my family, He is very handy and good at fixing things and despite all his shortcomings I still love and care for him… I know that if I married him I would be taken care of and we would have a nice life….. I’m just starting to have second thoughts…

Sometimes I can see myself married to him and happy and other times I can’t. Any advice? He isn't the guy I would have ever pictured myself with... but I don't know if that guy exists. :(





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