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I feel like I should give a little background info. Please note that I wrote this after what's below it, so it maybe somewhat incongruous... Gonna make it brief, anyway.
[I]When we first met, she was two weeks removed from a six to seven year marriage. Her husband had left her two weeks before. She is seven years older than me and has two very young children. We became friends and talked fairly regularly. For a few months, things were fine. We hung out briefly on a couple of occasions, but most of our interaction was done by phone. In late November, things changed. We started to talk more frequently. She started to invite me out on a regular basis. By December, she was calling me nearly every weekend to hang out. The weekend before Christmas, she called me to hang out three days in a row. Mind you, we were alone. It wasn't a group hang out. There were other weird signs, as well. One time she told me I couldn't get married to anyone but her, she acted jealous if I'd talk about other women, she started asking questions about my sex life, she introduced me to her brother, etc. Realizing the complexity of her life - still married, two children - I never tried to physically advance. Two days before Christmas, I called her asked if she wanted to spend Christmas with me. She said "no." I asked if we were going to end up together. She said "no." I'm not terribly pleased with how I handled the situation, but given her life, I didn't know what else to do. There's other stuff, as well, including subtle things like the way she would look at me or speak to me, but that's the brief summary. [/I]

Very diverse responses. Thank you for all of them.

Yes, I definitely put her on a pedestal. At the same time, I am now and have always been completely aware of her faults, which are many. There were also a TON of other complicated, complex issues, as well, that probably figured into her decision. But, as I said, I've analyzed this to death.

When we met, I never, ever imagined that things would go the route they did. Particularly because her life is extraordinarily complicated and I didn't want to involve myself with someone with her issues. I thought she would be a nice friend and that's it. But, as I've told everyone around me who thinks I'm crazy for being interested in her, you don't choose who you fall for. It just happened.

I agree that I need to enlarge my circle of friends. The problem is, I am not the type of guy who can be only friends with a girl. It NEVER works. I don't know why. My younger brother has a ton of female friends. But for me, someone always ends up with feelings for the other person. It has happened every time I've tried. And don't get me wrong, some of them have been nice friendships, but in the end, they ultimately dissolve or blossom into relationships. That was obviously the case here, with the former being the outcome.

I really really want to date and move on. I think I HAVE to try. But again, I just can't seem to have any interest in anybody else. I mean, I'm still physically attracted to other women and I've met other women whose personalities I've liked, but I can't seem to care enough to bother trying. And I almost feel like that if I was to try, I'd just be cheating the woman because my mind and heart would be somewhere else. But I guess I have to try, anyway.

Another part of the problem is that I've always considered myself an excellent reader of people. I was so certain she felt the same and, as was suggested, I really built up my expectations and was completely shocked when she rejected me. My heart plummeted through my body, dropped out, ran to the window and took a nose dive onto the pavement. I've never been more shocked about anything. Ever. I've tried to convince myself that the so-called "signs" were just my imagination, but even now I have a hard time accepting that I was wrong.

I'm definitely hanging onto this, still, but I don't want to. I don't want to hang on. I don't want to think that it might still work. I want to accept that I was wrong about the way she felt. It really sucks.

[QUOTE=pendulum;3823168]I haven't read what the other posters wrote. I will give you a very intuitive answer, though. I don't know if it will work, but if I were in your shoes I would try and talk to her again. Exactly. What do you have to lose? This is maybe an obsession. Maybe you have to approach her again, from a different angle, to see that she is ultimately not so great. I am sorry, but she is just another human being. I don't know what caused the break-up, but anyway forget your pride and try to reach her again. If she says no, if she doesn't even want to listen to what you have to say, consider making a long trip somewhere. Different environments will certainly make you a lot of good at this moment.[/QUOTE]

I've thought of this, but I don't know what I would say to her. We both agreed that we can't ever be friends again. And that's still the truth. I don't know that I have nothing to lose. If I call her up and she flat out refuses to speak to me, I might be a blow to my self esteem. Yeah, I'd be right where I am now without her at all, but I'd have the added pain of having crawled back and then shot down. Furthermore I just don't know what I would say or do. I'd still love to be with her, but she rejected me. I can't go in there begging or something.

I hope someone reads at least part of that! Haha.





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