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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


It's really not up to you to fix his insecurity problem. That's all his issue and for him to resolve. You've done all you can do, and it's such a shame that it has come down to you having to do anger management classes just to deal with it. There does come a point in any relationship where one partner's insecurity will actually drive such a wedge between the two people that the only recourse is to break it off and start fresh with someone else. You shouldn't have to spend your life reassuring your partner that you're faithful and that you're with them for the long haul. They should be confident in the love that is shared to understand it's the real thing. And if they can't be, then they have a lot of internal self-work that needs to be done before they can ever hope to have a successful relationship with anyone.

It sounds to me that he is the one with the problem, not you. Stop trying and just tell him flat out, you're done with all of this nonsense. If he can't deal with it then you're done. That's all you can do. Don't keep trying when he won't do anything on his end to resolve his issues.
It sounds sort of ridiculous to me that YOU are in anger management because he accuses you of things you aren't doing, because he refuses to accept that you do love him. That's nuts.

The above poster is right. It's not your job to reassure him. A relationship is only as healthy as the unhealthiest person in it, and he has decided to be and stay unhealthy, insecure, with very very low self esteem, and he's making you suffer for it. that's often the case. It's almost impossible to harbor deep seated insecurities and NOT make them the problem of the person who is trying to be in a relationship with you.

He has to decide whether he wants to be in a healthy relationship or not. That's his decision and his alone. You can't make it for him. I don't think anger management is your problem. Sounds to me like you have pretty low self esteem as well. A really strong, healthy person in your position wouldn't let some guy frustrate and irritate them to the point of losing it. They would simply say "I'm sorry you can't see what's really in my heart. I'm sorry your past experiences are stopping you from trusting and letting love in and I'm sorry you've chosen not to do anything about it. But that's your choice and there's nothing more I can do. I wish you luck and hope you work out your issues." And they put on their walking shoes and keep walking.





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