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[QUOTE=OTbass;3830884]I'm 25 and having some girlfriend issues.
The week before Christmas, my girlfriend of 8 months and I had a rough time.

First, some old male friend of hers wrote on her Facebook wall and suggested they have dinner to catch up. I wanted to play it cool and not say anything but I did and it became sort of an issue about me trusting her. I'm wishing I had just kept my mouth shut.

A couple days later, we were Christmas shopping in Victorias Secret and she mentioned how her ex's parents once got her a $100 gift certificate to the store. She added that she thought it was odd to get her a gift to Victorias Secret because it seemingly promoted sex between her and her ex. I got really mad that she mentioned that and blew it way out of proportion. For some reason, as I'll elaborate later, I have a tendency to flip out when she brings up the past. It became a REALLY big fight that put a damper on an otherwise great weekend.

A couple days later, I was feeling bad about our fight over the Victorias Secret issue. I swore to her I would try to get over my issues with her past as they didn't make sense. This pledge to change was immediately put to the test that same night. She wanted to hang out with some male friends from high school and wanted me to come with. It turns out one of these guys was the person she lost her virginity to. In an effort to show her I was cool, I decided to come with on the outing, despite having no desire to meet her cherry popper. I came out being really nice and friendly, but the dude constantly brought up that he was an ex-boyfriend and even went so far as to mention how they had sex at his parents house a bunch. Anyway you look at it, that was a kind of dick move on his part. I managed to play it cool in public but pretty much flipped shit as soon as we got in the car. It was an absolutely horrible fight, I yelled and screamed at her as if it was her fault for setting this situation up. She began crying and even questioned if this was going to work out due to my inability to cope with her past. I later cooled down and we made up. Still, I feel so ashamed that this, as well as the other two incidents even happened.

As you can see, I have issues with her past. Anytime she even mentions something about her ex-boyfriends, I get a bit bent out of shape. If these comments could be even remotely related to her former sex life, I pretty much lose my mind.

This does not make sense to me. First of all, I am actually glad that she has a past. I would not be interested in her if she was a virgin; she'd be boring. Having dating experience makes her a better, more mature girlfriend for me. It also means she knows what's she's doing more in the bedroom... which is nice :)

Yet at the same time, the very thought of her with other dudes makes me sick, angry and depressed all at the same time. This is the girl I think I am going to marry. I want her 100%, for rest of my life. Imagining other guys fucking her, getting blowjobs from her and having her say 'I love you' to them..... it fucks me up inside. It may be in the past but I constantly replay it in my mind as if it was happening now.

It is hypocritical of me to feel this way. I've had 2x as many previous sexual partners as she has. Not only that, but my longest serious relationship was also longer than all of her major relationships put together. Plus that girl and I only broke up a few months before this relationship started. She should be the one insecure out about me, not the other way around.

In the wake of the recent fights, I am just sick of feeling this way. I hate what I've become. I've never been this way in the past. I don't know if it's because I think this girl is the one I'm going to marry, or the fact that she is so beautiful or what..... I'm just insanely jealous and insecure with her. All of this is done out of a fear of losing her or not measuring up to her exboyfriends. I think it ironically is pushing me torwards those outcomes as opposed to protecting me from them.

Quote: I want to stop thinking about her past in a negative light, to stop losing my mind when she brings it up. I don't want to feel like I have to measure up to anyone else that she's been with before. I know that she loves me as much as I love her. I know that I can trust her in the present too. There is no need to be like this.

I don't know if there is any advice that can really help, but anything would be nice. I have a great relationship and I think that if I keep acting like this I'm going to lose it.[/QUOTE]


I totally disagree with what others have posted to you. It sounds like the VS comment may not have been a smart comment to make perhaps immature but I don't get it as being a slam in your face....and as far as the exbf talking about sex with her. She didn't bring it up the past sex stuff etc....HE did and you said nothing about her laughing it up with him etc. Was she egging him on in a way to get him going? Should she not go out with High School friends because an ex is there? From what you've written - this guy is a dope and you lost it because of what he said not her.

Unless you've left out some stuff about her taunting you with ex stuff all the time then I see this more as your problem then hers.

I think from what you've written you have a real issue with jealousy. You've written yourself that you have a major problem with flipping out about her past - and that you can't even stand that thought she's had sex with other men. Like I said, from what you've written, I'm not getting shes any kind "trash" You've said nothing in your post to point to her being like that. Unless you've left alot stuff out about her talking about sex with her ex's, how good they were, what they did to her and all that stuff then I think you need to talk to someone about your anger and jealousy issues as your jealousy is going to wreck this relationship.





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